Four Hundred & Twelve
by cynosure23
Summary: Day by day, Bella sits at the bed side of her husband. Nothing changes...until her brother in law enters the picture and turns her once perfect life upside down.
1. Chapter 1

_61 Days_

"No changes."

I wasn't expecting anything else, but it still stings. Emergency room doctors, nurses, specialists…they all have the same news. Nothing.

"You should go home, Bella. He's in good hands," Lauren says, looking over at me as she changes the IV fluid bag. "I know you don't want to spend another night in that awful recliner." She smiles at me knowingly, and I can't help but smile back. Lauren is one of my favorite night nurses here at the hospital- she has a sweet smile, charismatic personality, and is an efficient and compassionate nurse. Under any other circumstances, she is the type of person I could see myself becoming close to. But there is no one and nothing here at this hospital I want to be close with, save for the man in the hospital bed before me.

We met when I was eighteen, a freshman at Washington University and naïve to all the workings of a city I barely knew. He was a grad student at the time, and took me under his wing. For months, it was innocent, just a deep friendship that we both valued greatly. I had never known someone else to be so unabashedly confident and kind. It slowly but surely turned into more, and I found myself to be completely captivated by him and his beautiful green eyes. A year after we met, after months of flirting and even more time spent as friends, he asked me to be his.

Almost ten years later, here we are.

The house is a mess. Dog toys are strewn across the floor and I haven't really picked up after myself in weeks, so it seems like every surface is covered in clutter. If it weren't for our dog, Stan, I probably wouldn't even be living in the house while my husband is in the hospital. Living here alone has taught me that without my husband, our house just doesn't feel like a home. It feels empty, just like I do.

Our marriage wasn't perfect, but Ben coaxed out parts of me I didn't even know existed. I was his rock, and it felt so good to have such a wonderful person love me and depend on me. We had been working together as a seamless team for years, and without him things just didn't run as smoothly.

After feeding Stan and letting him outside, I retreated into Ben's office to get some work done. When we built this house, two separate offices had been a must. Neither of us could get any work done if there were distractions, and that included each other. Using his office never seemed like a big deal before, but at this point, I'll do anything to try and feel closer to him again. His office is a small comfort, but a comfort none the less.

Around midnight, I finally go to bed in the guest room and allow myself to cry.

None of this is fair. Ben is only thirty five, and was perfectly healthy before having the massive stroke that put him in a coma, living off of machines in the hospital instead of at home with me, his wife.

When we got married, we had promised each other that our feelings towards each other would never change.

Now, after ten years of marriage, I know that those vows were unrealistic. We continued to love each other, but marriage is hard. It changes things. I also grew up a lot in the time that we had been married. I was a twenty year old bride, young and infatuated with Ben. Now, I am a twenty nine year old woman, still in love with my husband, but also in love with my own life. With Ben so suddenly removed from my life, it has been hard to come to terms with how much our lives had intertwined.

After he slipped into the coma, I had thrown myself into work. I never thought I would be working for a baseball organization, but after getting my masters degree in communication, that is where I ended up. Ben teased me about my front office job, saying he was worried I would leave him for one of the players. I had been mad for that comment, but now I miss his teasing. I miss him.

 _62 Days_

"Mrs. Cheney was here this morning."

My head snaps up, and my eyes narrow. "When? She didn't say a word about it to me."

The nurse, Hannah, shrugs her shoulders, probably thinking she shouldn't have told me. "Around ten, I think. It was before I went on break for an early lunch. She said she didn't want to bother you, but I assumed you knew. She also mentioned that she would probably be back tonight."

I shook my head, a little frustrated, as always, with my mother in law. "She always does that. I love Esme but she acts like I'm incapable of dealing with this…or with anything."

"Well, Bella, I hate to be like this…but I think you are having a harder time than you want to admit. Have you gone to see the psychologist Dr. Harper recommended?" Hannah is trying to be helpful, but I'm not in the mood for help or pity.

"Not yet," I say shortly, returning my attention to my work.

Hannah leaves shortly after, knowing that she had hit a sore spot with me. After eight weeks of me being here every day, the nurses have figured out when I just need to be left alone.

I continue to work on my laptop, glancing up at Ben occasionally. I don't know what I'm expecting to happen, but I can't stop myself from keeping an eye on him. Day after day, I'm still shocked at his appearance. He looks sickly and pale, nothing like the playful, lively man I know. I can't see his beautiful green eyes, and there are tubs and monitors everywhere. It's getting harder each day to deal with my new reality, so I wipe the tears out of my eyes and put all of my attention into my work.

Around seven, I start to wonder if my mother in law is ever going to reappear. Esme Cheney is the powerhouse of her family, a perfectionist homemaker who, I think, secretly wishes her son was more of a momma's boy. She loves me, but Ben has always been the apple of her eye and it is hard to live up to her standards. Just as I'm about to try and call her cell phone, she swoops into the room. Clad head to toe in understated designer clothing and holding a basket of muffins, she is the epitome of a rich housewife.

"Isabella, darling," she murmurs, giving me a hug after setting down the basket of muffins.

"Hi, Esme." I squeeze her tightly for a few moments, allowing myself to get lost in her motherly hug and the familiar scent of her Tom Ford perfume. "One of the nurses told me you were here earlier, why didn't you mention it to me? I would have come and seen you then."

Esme shook her head at me as we sat down close to Ben's hospital bed. "I didn't want to bother you, honey. I know you've been trying to work more and I also know it's hard to be in here…hospitals aren't exactly the happiest places." Both of us look over at Ben again, and I reach over to take his hand in mine.

She's right; it is hard to be here. But it's where I need to be, and I tell her so.

We sit and talk for a while, and I never let go of Ben's hand. It's nice to have another person to talk to that isn't a hospital employee, even though I have come to like some of them. Esme is a part of Ben, so it is a little easier to find comfort in her presence.

Esme doesn't leave until a few hours later, but as she departs, she tells me that Ben's brother will be in from Chicago next week, so I should be expecting a call from her to make plans as a family. Without Ben, family plans are already very unappealing to me, but adding his brother into the mix makes it that much worse.

Edward is really Ben's half-brother, the product of Esme's disastrous first marriage that even Ben doesn't know all the details of. I've only met Edward a few times before, and he didn't even show up to our wedding. Most of what I know about him is from my husband, and therefore my opinion of Edward is based on Ben's.

Ben always said that Edward was power hungry, insensitive, and an incorrigible flirt. They had never gotten along, even when the two of them were young. Ben is so charismatic and easy to be friends with, so it's easy to assume that in their relationship, Edward is the problem. Even Esme has some problems with her older son, and his presence alone puts Ben on edge.

And because of that, I despise Edward Cullen.

 _70 Days_

Esme Cheney's living room is so perfect, it's almost unsettling. Nothing is out of place and it is so clean that everything shines. I grasp my wine glass tightly, sure that if I allow myself to relax, I'll drop it all over the Cheney's expensive Persian rug.

Edward is, of course, late. Esme is practically beside herself because his late arrival has disrupted her perfectly planned out evening, and I can't help but wonder why she even tried to plan around her unreliable sun.

Alice, Ben's younger sister, unexpectedly slips her hand into mine; startling me so much that I jump and almost spill my wine. "Bella, relax!" She exclaims, her sweet laughter filling the otherwise quiet room. "You've been putting up such a strong front for the past two months. It's okay to try and unwind a little bit." Her words are comforting, but I don't think I'll be able to actually calm down until I can be back at the hospital with Ben.

So I just smile at her and squeeze her hand tightly. She, unlike her oldest brother, has always been close to Ben and has become a close friend to me as well. She had been in the hospital with me a lot when Ben first had his stroke, and she still comes often when she can get away from work. She is the most optimistic about his recovery, and is always making me feel like there is hope.

"Tell me about Ben. Have there been any changes? How are you doing?" It is easy to talk to Alice, even about such a tough subject. I thank my lucky stars that when I married Ben, I got Alice too.

"Sorry we're late."

Edward stood awkwardly in the doorway of the Cheney's formal dining room, his arm around the waist of a statuesque redhead.

After an hour of waiting, we had gone ahead and moved into the dining room, sipping on wine and eating some appetizers. Esme had been so mad about starting dinner late and without Edward, but she still runs up to Edward and put her arms around him. Despite their issues with each other, mother and son hug for a long moment. When they break apart, Edward clears his throat and gestures to the redhead on his arm.

"Everyone, this is Victoria. Victoria this is my mother, Esme; my stepfather, Carlisle; my sister, Alice; and this," his eyes meet mine and he raises his eyebrows slightly, "is my sister-in-law, Isabella."

Greetings are exchanged, but I don't say much. Edward and his date don't seem to notice, and they join us at the table.

Dinner is finally served, and I am still quiet as I pick at my dinner. My thoughts are divided between worrying about Ben and being irrationally angry at Edward. The man drives me crazy, even though we barely know each other.

Eventually, Esme speaks directly to me and breaks me out of my little trance. "Bella, are you going to be at hospital tomorrow evening? I thought I would come by with Edward." She looks at me expectedly, and I nod unenthusiastically.

"I'll be there after I get done with work, as usual. I can go by later though, if you'd rather. That way you could just have some time together-"

"I hate hospitals," Edward interjects bluntly, "so the more people there, the better. I can't stand being alone with…sick people."

"He's not _sick_ ," I said snottily, not even caring if I upset Esme. "He's in a coma. Why bother visiting if you don't want to see him? It's not like you ever came to see him while he was conscious, either. Or to visit any of your family, period!"

The room falls completely silent, and I see Carlisle reach over and put his hand comfortingly over Esme's. The action somehow makes me angrier, because all I can think about it how my husband can't be here to comfort _me_.

"I'm sorry." I stand up abruptly, setting down my wine glass. "I need to go outside and clear my head."

I smile sadly at Esme as I pass her, trying to not let her see the tears that are quickly gathering in my eyes. She sees anyway, and clasps my elbow as a walk by. "Take your time, darling. It's okay."

Out on the deck, overlooking the lake, I allow myself to cry. Maybe I am going crazy. I've never been crazy about Edward, but he probably didn't deserve that from me. Truth be told, I know practically nothing about the man, and I shouldn't be lashing out at him just because he has never had a good relationship with the family I have come to love. I wipe away my tears, looking out at the lake. If Ben were at my side, dealing with Edward would be nothing. Ben has always made everything unimportant else disappear for me.

Just as I'm about to get up, head back inside, and apologize profusely, I hear footsteps behind me on the deck.

"Man, you _really_ don't like me, do you?"

 **Hiya! Thank you so much for reading. This is my first fanfic and I know this is a shorter chapter, but I want to see if people like it before I continue with posting and working on longer chapters. Leave me a review, and let me know. I hope for Wednesday's to be my regular posting days but I suppose that could change.**

 **Again, let me know what your thoughts are and thank you for reading.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the interest.**

 **I've persuaded the amazing lovelovelove22 to update her story "Unforgettable" tonight, so you're welcome and I hope you ladies (and guys? Maybe) are happy about that. She let me preread that story for her and I fell in love with it. I highly recommend it. She has read the majority of this story and didn't hate it, so I've got that going for me…**

" _Man, you really don't like me, do you?"_

I turn my head to look at my brother in law, no longer feeling apologetic and suddenly steaming mad again. "Why would I like you, Edward? I don't even know you. Your own brother doesn't know you, because you wouldn't let him. Your whole family doesn't know you! You hide away in Chicago and don't even show your face when they really need you. Where were you a month ago when your younger brother had a stroke and almost _died_?" My chest is rising and falling rapidly, and I can't stop spewing. "Why do you even act like you care at all? Why are you even here, if you don't want to see your brother?" I finally stop, short of breath. It felt strangely good to let some of my hurt and anger out.

Edward is silent for a long time, just looking at me curiously. His gaze burns, and I finally have to look away. His eyes are the same exact color as Ben's. "You're right, Bella. You don't know me. So spare me the judgment. Ben isn't innocent in this either, alright? You don't know the fucking half of it. I'll be at the hospital to see Ben tomorrow at 2, and I would prefer it if you wouldn't be there."

And then he's gone, and I'm left alone with my miserable thoughts.

 _71 Days_

"Still no change, Bella." Lauren goes about her routine as normal, and I rub my forehead.

"I'm starting to _really_ hate those words." Lauren just smiles sympathetically, putting her hand on my shoulder.

"I know, hun. Let's talk about something else…" she sits down on the chair next to me, a secretive smile pulling at her lips. "Your brother in law was in here earlier with Mrs. Cheney. Man, Bella…he is good looking! The Cheney's have some stellar genes! You wanna hook me up?" She's joking, but I still feel my heart rate pick up at the mention of my estranged brother in law.

I laughed, shaking my head and trying not to think about the short, but heated, exchange that had occurred between Edward and I last night. "First of all, he's not a Cheney. He's Ben's half brother. Secondly…he and I aren't quite on good enough terms to hook you up with him. Besides, you're way out of his league. Ben doesn't like to talk about him, but Edward is…difficult. He's not boyfriend material, either."

"Who says I'm looking for a boyfriend?" Lauren wiggled her eyebrows at me, and we both started laughing. It's been a long time since I've laughed so hard that my sides hurt. It feels good, but it also feels a little wrong. Like I shouldn't be laughing while my husband is in the hospital bed right next to me. "But really, I'm sorry to hear that. Your in laws seem like such an amazing family. These family struggles are hard on all of you, I'm sure."

"It is. Esme loves Edward, I know she does. I really don't know much about it, but from what I understand, Edward shut everyone out a long time ago. It's a sore subject for all of them, and Edward doesn't help…he's never around. You can't fix relationships if you're not there to make an effort. We had a weird confrontation last night and I don't even know what to think about it. I yelled at him for not caring about Ben. I felt bad and was going to apologize, but then-"

A loud commotion from the hallway interrupts me, and Lauren jumps up. "I'm sorry Bella, I've got to run. We'll talk more later, if you're still here, okay?" She rushes out, and when the door closes behind her it's just me and Ben in the room.

I go over and sit on the edge of his hospital bed, looking closely at my husband. He doesn't look any different. He's still pale, full of tubes, and so helpless. I run my fingers through his curly hair, and more sadness overcomes me. I hate living my life like this. It feels pretty pointless without Ben, my best friend, at my side.

I hear the door open again, but I don't turn around, assuming that Lauren is back to continue our talk. The air hangs heavy with silence for a moment, so I finally look over towards the door.

Edward is standing there, a bag of what looks like Chinese takeout in his hands.

I turn back around quickly, not wanting another confrontation, and Edward comes further into the room silently. I hear the rustle of the plastic bag as he sets it down on the small table in the corner. I continuation to listen in silence, my hand on Ben's cheek. Finally, Edward speaks.

"I brought dinner." It's not what I was expecting to hear from him, and I turn towards him in slight shock. He's assumed by my expression and smiles softly as he gestures towards the food on the table. "Esme said you don't usually eat until after you leave the hospital for the night so I thought…I, uh, I thought I could help you out. You know, to make up for being a huge asshole to you."

"I think I owe you an apology, too. You were an asshole to me, but only after I yelled at you in front of your family-"

"My mother's family. I've never been a Cheney," Edward says, interrupting me. I'm surprised by the emotion I can see in those beautiful green eyes. The idea of not belonging in the family is clearly a sore subject, just like so many things seem to be between the Cheney-Cullen families.

"I'm sorry," I say, and I mean it. "And thank you. For the apology and for dinner. I am actually pretty hungry."

Kissing Ben's warm forehead, I get up and move towards the table. I stand awkwardly for a moment, not sure where to sit. Edward makes it easier by pulling out a chair for me and then sitting himself. I eye him as he silently spoons the food onto two plastic plates, his brow furrowed. After he hands me my plate and tucks into his own dinner, I speak again.

"Why didn't you come to our wedding?" I'm not sure why I picked that particular question to fill the silence, but it is one that I have been wondering about since Ben angrily told me that Edward hadn't RSVPed, almost a decade ago.

Edward, clearly surprised by my choice in question, shrugs uncertainly before finishing chewing. After he swallows, he says, "I didn't feel like I was really invited. It's no secret that Ben is not my biggest fan. I assumed the invitation came more out of courtesy or from pressure from Esme. Either way, it wasn't a sincere invite.

"He wanted you there," I said quietly. "I remember, he was mad when you didn't RSVP and when you told Esme you were going to stay in Chicago and work instead…"

"Bella, I'm not really here to hash out my whole relationship with Ben," Edward says, the wrinkle in his forehead getting deeper. "I just thought you could use some company, and I want you to know that I really don't have a problem with you. You're free to dislike me, if you wish. I won't lose any sleep over it."

Silence falls over us again.

"Where's your friend?" This question, I assume, will be more welcome. Nothing about the Cheney's.

"You're full of questions, aren't you? Victoria is at the hotel. I didn't see the need to bring here her to watch me apologize to you."

I nodded. "Is she your girlfriend? Or just a friend? If we're going to be friendly with each other, I guess I should know a little more about you, if you don't mind." Years of disliking Edward is suddenly slipping away, and it confuses me. Maybe I'm starved for more human interaction, or maybe I'm going crazy.

"I don't really do the girlfriend think. Vic is a…a friend. She and I are on the same page about our relationship, let me assure you. I'm sure Ben has told you about my 'distasteful' dating habits."

I have to hold back a sharp laugh, because yes, Ben had told me quite a bit about Edward and his reputation as a heartless player who kissed the girls and made them cry. "

It shouldn't be so easy to talk to Edward Cullen, but time flies by. Our conversation sticks to small talk from that point on, but it is enjoyable. He's charismatic, just like his younger half brother. The two men share more similarities than I think either of them would care to admit.

Once again, I go home alone and spend the rest of my night with Stan, thinking about my broken husband and the mysteries surrounding his family life.

For the millionth, maybe billionth, time, I close my eyes and wish as hard as I can that this is all just a horrible dream. Maybe I'll wake up in the morning with Ben beside me in our bed, and life will be completely ordinary again. I curl up in bed with Stan, my arms around Ben's pillow. It takes me hours to fall asleep, but when the sleeping pill I took finally kicks in, I dream of the green eyes I've been getting lost in for the past ten years.

 **Hoping to get a little more interest before expanding into my larger chapters. I hope ya'll understand. Please share your thoughts with me!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Totally overlooked the fact that my 21** **st** **birthday fell on a Wednesday (yesterday!), so sorry for the delay for this weeks chapter. I will still be aiming to update every Wednesday from here on out.**

 **Thank you for your interest in this story! I hope everyone is enjoying. Please remember to review and follow.**

… **.**

 _75 Days_

"So, today is my last full day in town…I leave for Chicago tomorrow night. I'll miss this cities shitty Chinese takeout." Edward bumps shoulders with me, his mouth full of orange chicken as he speaks.

"Wow. I didn't realize you guys were leaving so soon. And hey, there are plenty of good Chinese places in Central West End. You just happened to pick one of the worst ones. And you have gone back every single night for more!" Five days ago, I would have been relieved to hear Edward was leaving town. But in an effort to be nice to me, and probably pity me, he has been stopping by the hospital every night with Chinese takeout- always orange chicken for him and lo mein for me. Our conversations still mainly consist of small talk and we spend some of the time in silence, but I can't deny that it is nice to have someone here with me as I sit at my husband's hospital bedside. Esme still comes often with Alice and Carlisle in tow, but usually in the late afternoon while I am still at the office.

In only a few days Edward had become a constant I didn't even know I wanted.

However, there are clear sides when it comes to Edward and his relationship with the rest of the family. As his wife, I will always be on Ben's side, and therefore it feels wrong that I feel such comfort in Edward's company.

"Well, I might have stayed a little bit longer but I really need to get back to the office. Meetings over Skype are really starting to get old. Besides, without Victoria here I'm getting kind of-"

"Nope, I don't want to know." I cut Edward off, not wanting to hear about his infamous sexual appetite. His little plaything left two days ago, unable to be away from her job any longer. Edward has been noticeably tense every day since then when he comes into the hospital, only relaxing slightly after eating and talking about our jobs or some other drivel small talk.

Edward surprises me by apologizing, something Ben and the rest of the family swear was a rare event. "I'm sorry. I forget that we aren't really friends. That was too much information."

Those words burn in my ears, and I shake my head even though I feel like I am suddenly betraying Ben. "We can be friends, Edward."

….

 _76 Days_

I sit at my desk at work, totally lost in my thoughts rather than the memo I'm supposed to be reading. The workday has been long and nonstop busy, but I appreciate the distraction. I welcome any distraction at this point; anything to keep me from thinking about Ben in that hospital room…or about his enigmatic half-brother.

"Bella, you have a visitor." Angela, one of the secretaries, taps on the glass window of my office. I have a very open door policy here at work, especially now. I hate to be cooped up all alone.

Foolishly, at first, I assume my visitor is Ben. Two months ago, it would have been him. He always liked to pop in and surprise me from time to time, joking that spontaneity kept him young. Then, once again, I realize that little fantasy isn't even possible.

Trying to clear my head of the negative thoughts that come rushing to mind, I smile at Angela. "Send them on in, Ang. I'm not busy."

I return to my computer, halfheartedly looking at the memo again. My heart is racing, and I'm not sure why…until I think of Edward. The man I claimed to despise a week ago has suddenly become my friend, and I feel like our friendship is some kind of taboo. I feel like I'm being disloyal not only to my husband, but to the rest of the Cheney's as well. Although they all love Edward, their relationship is rocky and built on mutual resentment. I feel like I've switched sides and am suddenly on Team Edward.

"Hey, Bella." I am filled with a strange combination of dread and excitement as I hear Edward's voice, and I have to force myself to smile. "I think I finally found some good Chinese food."

"Not _that_ hard to accomplish here, is it, Bella?" Angela jokes as she ushers Edward into my small but cozy office. "It was nice meeting you, Edward." The two of them shake hands, and I reach towards the Chinese, my own hands trembling.

"You didn't have to bring me dinner," I say quietly, pushing the bag of food towards the middle of my desk.

Edward smiles at me, but I can see a quizzical look in his eyes. The air hangs heavy between us, and it is a huge shift in atmosphere than what we've been accustomed to the last several days. "It's just early dinner, before you leave for the hospital. My flight leaves in three hours. I didn't even get any for myself, I just wanted to drop it off and say bye." He stands up quickly, and I shoot up out of my seat too.

"Well, uh, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. And thank you for coming to see Ben in the hospital." I shake my hand out to him politely, and he stares at it a minute before returning the gesture and shaking my hand.

"No problem, Bella. Take care."

He's gone just as quickly as he came, and my heart is pounding fast in my chest. I know I'm not just imagining it- that was weird, awkward, and uncomfortable. The shift in behavior was jarring, even though it was me who initiated it.

Unable to help myself, I reach for the bag of Chinese food again and open it up. It's from one of my favorite places not far from the stadium, and my stomach growls as the smell hits my nostrils.

I reach inside to get my food, but stop before my hand hits the container. There are two entrees in the bag.

My usual order of beef lo mein. And one large order of orange chicken.

….

"Your mom is having brunch with me in the city this weekend as usual, but Alice isn't going to make it this time. She won't admit it, but I'm pretty sure she has a date. Isn't that crazy? She has been hung up on that guy James for months; I thought she would never actually go out with someone else. I'm glad though, because he always seemed like a huge dick. She cried over that guy way more than a beautiful 27 year old should ever cry over any guy. But anyway, I think your mom and I are going to try Herbies. A couple of my coworkers love that place and they always rave about their bottomless mimosas."

I yammer on as I sit with Ben, clipping his finger nails, shaving his face, and just tidying him up in general. The hospital has people who will do these things for us, but I don't mind. I like feeling like I am helping out, even if it's something as small land inconsequential as this. The one sided chatter felt a little strange at first, and I was sure one of the nurses would catch me and toss me in the looney bin, but it has become oddly comforting. I have spent so much time in this room, and most of it has been spent in relative silence. Lauren also eased my worries by reassuring me that plenty of people talk to coma patients, and that I shouldn't feel weird or ashamed about talking to my own husband.

Nothing replaces actually having Ben to talk to, but this helps. Every little bit helps, but nothing seems to heal.

….


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for missing the update last week. I'm on vacation before school starts back up again and last week was a whirlwind! Thanks for sticking with me.**

… **.**

 _77 Days_

"It was actually nice having Edward home this past week. Mom said that he and my dad were able to hash some things out, for once. At this point I never thought it would happen."

Alice is chipper and bubbly as usual, even at her older brother's hospital bedside. I love her for that.

"That's great, Al. I'm sure that made Esme so happy." I'm sincere in my happiness for them. The Cheney family has been so wonderful to me, and I feel like they deserve to be happy. The unrest between Edward and the rest of the family that I have come to love is hard for everyone and if it is finally ending, there will be peace. "What exactly did Carlisle and Edward have to iron out?" I'm shamelessly digging now, and I don't care if it is obvious to Alice. I've never gotten any real answers from Ben, or even Esme.

Ben was the kind of man who would prefer to brush things under the rug, but not forget about them. I love my husband, but he can hold one hell of a grudge. I would know.

Alice purses her lips and puts her cheap cafeteria sandwich down on her tray. "Bella…I wish I had something to tell you. I barely know anything myself, and it's probably stuff Ben has already told you."

"That's the thing. Ben hasn't told me _anything_. Just that it's always been sibling rivalry between the two of them. And I'm sorry, but I don't believe that. I was always too chicken to confront Ben about that but It's bullshit and I know it." I give her my best game face, hoping I can finally convince one of the Cheney's to spill. "Al, my husband has been in the hospital for almost three months. He's in a coma, and there's a good chance he might not wake up. I need some answers, especially with Edward coming into town and seemingly trying to repair this damage."

She looks at me for a tense moment, our lunches long forgotten. "Edward feels that he has never really been welcomed into our family. He was just a toddler when my parents got married, and Ben came shortly after. My mom loves Edward. He knows she does. But it's no secret that it was easier for my dad to bond with Ben than Edward. My dad tried. I truly believe that he did. You know him, Bella. My dad is the most amazing father. However, I think that a part of him was never able to forget that he was Edward Cullen Sr.'s son." My heart is beating fast, and I know the story is about to get juicy, and I'm finally about to get answers. "Senior did some horrible things to my mom, Bella. I'm sure you have been able to assume, and your assumptions are probably correct. I don't even know the details myself."

"So that answers my questions about Carlisle and Edward…but what about Ben and Edward, Alice? Why does my husband _hate_ Edward so much!? For the past ten years, he's made me hate Edward, too. And I don't even know why."

"God, Bella. I feel so wrong talking about my family like this. I know you're part of the family, and I love you, but this feels like taboo!" Alice laughs for a moment, and I'm glad she's the kind of person who can keep serious matters more light. It feels a lot less like a soap opera when I'm talking to the one and only Alice Cheney. "Ben and Edward…you know, there hasn't really been one huge thing that caused this rift. Over the years it has all added up and just kind of exploded. Edward resents Ben for being the 'perfect son', I think. Good education, dream job, perfect wife, the whole nine yards. Not to mention two loving parents. Edward is, of course, amazingly successful as well. It's just not the same for him. He'll always try to be better than Ben. And Ben…well, Ben gets pleasure out of making Edward squirm like that. He knows what is does to him. I know that sounds awful, and I wouldn't want to talk badly about Ben ever, but especially now," Alice says, reaching out and taking my hand. "I'm sorry if that's less juicy than you expected. At this point, to me, it doesn't even seem like that big of a deal anymore. It's become a fact of life for us. A sad one, but…it is what it is. We can't change either of them."

My head is reeling, even though none of this is exactly new information to me. Sure, I didn't know the details, but still, I could have assumed. There's a bigger piece missing, but I honestly don't think Alice even knows it, and she grew up alongside Ben and Edward.

"Thank you for telling me," I say earnestly, squeezing Alice's hand before letting go. "And you're right, that is the kind of thing that Ben should have shared with me." I feel myself getting emotional, my eyes welling up with tears as I think of my husband not sharing things with me. It would hurt under any circumstance, but with him in the hospital, and me knowing that he might never come out of this coma, it's even worse.

Ben is alive, but he's not here. It's an awful limbo that has become my own personal hell. I hate having to act like he's dead. Sometimes I feel like he is, and I find myself start to wonder if it would be better off that way.

…..

 _90 Days_

"Come out with us, Bella. Let loose for once!" Jessica, one of our sales girls, stands in the doorway of my office, a pleading look on her face. "I know these past three months have been so hard, and I hate to see you hurting so badly."

Before Ben's accident, I didn't have many friends outside of "our" group. Now, those "couples" friends are still very much there for me, but I have found myself becoming closer with the people I work with, as well. It's odd having friends outside of our usual group, and most importantly, without Ben. As a couple, our friend group had become so interlinked, and I hadn't even realized it until Ben was taken out of that equation. It's freeing to have something all to myself, even if it is just a group of friends from work.

I tell Jessica that I'll gladly go out for dinner with the group, but that I have to swing by the hospital first. She's pleased, yammering on and on about how much fun we're going to have and how happy she is that I'm joining them. I feel honored, and I appreciate all that enthusiasm, but it just serves to remind me that Jessica is only 25 and most of the other sales girls aren't much older. I'm not sure if I can actually keep up with them.

An hour later, as I'm powering off my computer and putting away some stray files, there is another knock at my door.

"Jess, just go on without me. If you don't mind, go ahead and order me a cosmo-"

"Really, Bella? I never pegged you for a cosmo drinking type of girl."

His voice stops me dead in my tracks, and it feels like my stomach has just hit the floor. I turn slowly, feeling like I'm in a dramatic movie or something.

"Edward? Uh, what…um, what are you doing here?" I stammer, rifling through the stuff on my desk like an idiot in an attempt to keep my hands busy.

He smiles, seemingly unaware of my nervous, awkward attitude. "I promised my mom that I would start making more of an effort. So, here I am. I've been home more in the past month than I have in the past couple of years, it's crazy!"

He's still just standing there, and I realize that I have forgotten my manners. "I'm sorry, I'm not being very hospitable. Uh, you're welcome to have a seat. And I'm, um, I'm sure I can get you something to drink, if you're thirsty!"

"Don't worry about it, Bella. Sounds like you had dinner plans. I don't want to keep you. I just thought I'd stop in on my way to my mom's house, to see how you're doing. I haven't heard anything and, well, um, I thought I'd check in on you. You did say we could be friends, after all."

That's right. I did say that.

Ten years of conditioning myself to dislike Edward, and after a couple of days I suddenly decide that we can be friends. I must be further off the deep end than I thought.

…..


	5. Chapter 5

**A huge thank you to the couple of people who have rec'd this story! I appreciate it so much, and I hope you all continue to enjoy. Your wonderful reviews make me smile!**

… **..**

 _91 Days_

When I woke up that morning, I had a kink in my neck and a wicked headache. Dinner and drinks with my coworkers had been the most fun I'd had since Ben's stroke, maybe even before. We had never really been a very social couple, preferring to spend time with just each other and close friends, so last night was a big change for me. However, that also meant that I wasn't used to the morning after hangover, either.

After letting Stan out and feeding him, I got myself some breakfast and a few aspirin and settled down on the couch for a lazy morning at home. As always, Ben crept into my mind and the thought of maybe never being able to spend mornings with him ever again devastated me. Curled up with my trusty lapdog, I let myself shed a few more tears for the sake of my uncertain future.

My life has been so intertwined with Ben's for so long that I had never been sure what I would do without him. Now being without Ben is my reality, and it is jarring. The more time that goes by, the less hope there is for my husband. It has already been three months, with no signs of improvement in the last month or so. Nothing changes.

…..

After finally changing out of my pajamas and telling myself that I needed to be productive, I sat down in Ben's office and powered up his computer.

I felt my heart racing as the mouse hovered over the email icon on Ben's desktop.

Would this really make me feel any better? Would I actually find any answers through his work email?

Taking a deep breath, I finally just clicked the icon.

Work emails started rolling in, all of them from mailing lists and widespread office memos. Before I could talk myself out of it, I navigated to the search bar and began to type.

 _Edward Cullen_.

No results.

I finally let out that breath I had been holding, feeling overwhelmed and strangely unsettled. I felt bad enough looking through Ben's emails, but it felt even worse knowing that there wasn't even anything for me to find.

…

"Just heads up, Edward asked me for your number." Alice and I were sitting out by the pool at the Cheney's, watching the young kids and their parents splashing around in the pool.

To celebrate Edward's decision to make an official homecoming, Esme, true to form, had planned a big family get together. That meant cousins, in laws, aunts and uncles, the whole crew. It also meant copious amounts of alcohol, which Alice and I were eagerly indulging in. Alice was indulging because family get togethers for a woman above a certain age meant endless questions about men, marriage, and babies. And me? I was indulging because Edward was here and for some reason, inexplicable to me, that put me on edge.

And the fact that Edward had apparently felt the need to seek out my number from Alice made it even worse.

"Why in the world would Edward need my number? It's not like we're close." I knew I sounded defensive, but I didn't care. This situation was becoming messy and complicated very fast, all because I had started snooping around about the mysterious situation between my husband and his estranged half-brother. Alice gave me a crazy look, and I looked away, sucking on my drink. "It's just weird. Ben and Edward hate each other. I feel like I have to hate Edward too. I know I'm crazy…"

Alice snorted, tugging on my hand so I would look at her again. "Hey, Bella, you're not crazy. You're emotional. You feel strong ties to be loyal to Ben. And because you can't talk to him about this stuff, you think you have to show loyalty by hating Edward."

God bless Alice Cheney. She was actually able to put into words the strange, conflicted feelings I had about the relationship between Ben and Edward. And she was able to do it after downing three cocktails.

"And Bella, I don't think it's weird. He's trying to reconnect with the family, and you are and always will be a part of our family."

I nodded, squeezing her hand before dropping it and turning in my chair to face the pool again. Emmett, my cousin by marriage, was still splashing around in the pool with his wife and their three young children. They were such a beautiful family; it almost hurt to look at them. Ben and I had decided long ago that kids aren't for us, but it still stings to know that we might have that choice ripped away from us. If I lose Ben now, he will have no son or daughter to carry on his legacy.

And the last thing I need is to fail my husband now.

…..

"I heard you got my number from Alice."

It took all afternoon, but I finally worked up the courage to sidle up to Edward, who had spent the whole day entertaining his many relatives.

"Good detective work, Bella." Edward smirks at me and takes a long pull of his beer. "I'm impressed."

I rolled my eyes, taking a gulp of my own drink. "Why do you want my number, anyway? Planning on calling me from your ivory tower up in Chicago?"

"Ouch, Bella. You wound me." Edward rolled his eyes, knocking his shoulder against mine. "You St. Louis girls have no love for Chicago, do you?" I just shrugged my shoulders, containing to sip on my drink as I stare straight ahead. "But anyway, I finally gave into my mother… and I'm starting the process of relocating back to St. Louis. She wants me closer, and I've finally decided to stop holding a grudge against her for…for everything."

I don't know what to say to that, and I can't believe that Edward is returning home to his family after all these years. It had always been a huge sore spot for the family that Edward moved up to Chicago and stayed away for all those years. It hurt Esme deeply, so much so that Carlisle, Alice, and even Ben felt the residual effects.

"Wow." I ignore all the racing thoughts and feelings inside of me, so confused and so unsure about everything. "The prodigal son returns, huh?"

The smile slides off of Edward's face, and he shakes his head before taking a small step away from me. "Your husband is the prodigal son, Bella. Not me."

…..

 _94 Days_

The last thing I expected was a text from Edward. Even though I knew he had my number, and that he was making some bizarre attempt to reconnect with the family, I had been in something akin to a state of denial.

Torn between trying to cling onto the connection I had with Ben and wanting to befriend Edward, I just had no idea what to do. Despite all of the negative things I have heard about Edward throughout the years, and knowing how he had treated his family since leaving home, I had to remember that he had never actually done anything to me personally. And like Alice said, I was Edward's family and he has really been putting in a good effort into try to restore these relationships.

I stared at the text for a long time. It was so simple and harmless, but it still felt wrong.

 _Can we grab lunch?_

 _Sure._

It's just one word, but it marks a huge change in my life.

…..


	6. Chapter 6

**Due to the content of the coming chapters and where we are at in the storyline, I will be doing extra updates this week. One today, one on Sunday, and then we will be back to normal on Wednesday.**

 **Thank you for all your sweet words and for following this story. I was so nervous about posting but your responses are making it more than worth it!**

… **..**

 _94 Days_

"So, why did you want to meet for lunch?" I decide to jump right to it. I was so nervous sitting across the table from Edward that I had to grip the menu tightly so he couldn't see my hands shaking.

Edward, however, seemed cool as a cucumber. "Like I said, I want us to be friends. I've promised to try and make amends with the family, and I intend to keep that promise. I love my life in Chicago but I've decided that it's time to put my mom and her family first."

"It's your family too, you know. I'm sure it's hard to see it that way, but even though you don't share the same last name as them, you're family." I'm sure this isn't exactly what Edward wants to hear from me, but he just smiles uncomfortably and lets me continue. "You know…I don't really understand the conflict between you and everyone else. This might be a long shot for me to ask you this, but we did say that we could try and be friends. Can you tell me about-"

"Look, Bella, it's nice to hear you say this stuff but you have to understand that after years of damage, just hearing that doesn't do anything for me," Edward interrupts me, and suddenly he doesn't look so cool and confident. "This has been a huge issue. I was practically a baby when my mom married Carlisle, and I think Carlisle tried very hard to love me as a son. Carlisle is compassionate and loves my mom very much, but I don't know if he could ever forget the things my biological father did to Esme. Anyway, he tried but like I said I think it was hard. And then when I was old enough, I convinced myself that I wasn't good enough for their family. Now I'm a successful thirty seven year old, and I still feel that way. I now know that it's psychological. Words can't really fix it. And that is part of why I'm coming back. I need to at least try and fix this."

"Wow." I just stared at him for a few moments before finding my words again. "Good for you, Edward. I'm impressed."

"Yeah? Because you've heard so many bad things about me, right?" His words sound malicious, but the small smile stays on his face. I instantly feel my face flush, and Edward laughs softly. "Don't worry about it, Bella. I can only imagine what Ben has said about me."

Once again, I am lost for words.

"It's okay. I won't ask you to break his confidence. And it's no secret that there is no love lost between us."

"Why does he hate you, Edward? For years, he's told me all of these awful things and now…now I wonder how much of it is true."

"I didn't ask you to lunch to make you doubt Ben, Bella. He's your husband, and I'm not trying to come in between you two while he can't even defend himself. I need you to realize that." Edward wasn't looking at me again, instead staring down at his plate.

When he did look back up at me, his green eyes, exactly the same as Ben's, were wide and earnest.

"I know that. Ben wouldn't tell me the truth, and you're the only other one that can."

"Do you remember Christmas of your freshman year of college?" He asked, surprising me.

I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering where this was going. I could assume, but at this point, the truth could really be anything. "Yes. I had lunch at your family's house. You were there."

"Yeah. You and Ben weren't dating yet, were you?"

"No…we didn't start dating until February of that year."

"I thought you were so pretty. I think it was pretty obvious that I was interested, right? Ben had already told you I have a bad dating reputation, I bet. You stayed away from me…and Ben didn't leave your side all afternoon. When you left, I was joking around with our cousin Emmett. I'm sure I said something dirty about you and that I wanted to fuck you." I recoiled slightly, at the information and at the vulgar word. "Sorry. I had a little less finesse back then. Ben must've heard. He came in and told me that you were his. And then a couple of months later…you were. And I didn't come to the wedding."

I held up my hands, shaking my head. "Stop. Stop. Are you saying that all of this, all these troubles in your family the past ten years, is because of ME? Because you two had some sick territorial fight over who got me? I can't sit here and listen to this."

Throwing my napkin down on the table, I get up and hurriedly put on my jacket. "Don't call me, okay? And stay away from my job, from the hospital, and from me." I drop some money on the table for my drink and storm off.

Edward attempts to speak, but I hurry away before he can say another word.

…..

I sit motionless on the chair by Ben's bed, staring intently at my husband. I love this man, and I know he loves me. Over the last ten years, we have built a wonderful life with each other. He has given me everything I asked for, and he has made sacrifices for me.

He's a wonderful man. Well respected among his colleagues, loved by his friends and family, and he has always taken care of me. Right? He's my husband.

"Bella!" Edward comes in the door, and I shoot up out of my seat.

"I told you to stay away from me. I can't even look at you without wanting to punch you in the face."

"Me?! What about Ben, Bella? I might have looked at you like a piece of meat back then but I know that was wrong and I own up to it. Your husband did it to! He wanted you already, but then he just had to one up me and have you all to himself. It can't surprise you that Ben has tried to best me at everything-"

"Shut up! He's my husband, Edward. He's never done anything to me-"

Edward barks out a laugh, stepping closer to me. "Really, Bella?"

"He loves me, and he has given me everything-"

"Stop kidding yourself! Just stop! I know, okay? I know that Ben forced you get a fucking abortion!"

…..

 **Don't hurt me, please.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for staying tuned! After this updates will go back to once a week (Wednesdays).**

 **The beginning of this chapter is very Ben/Bella, just a heads up. This won't be the only peak into their relationship before the hospitalization, but I'll be sure to give a warning for when we reach those chapters. If you would prefer to skip the smutty scene, scroll down to the second ellipsis and pick up there.**

… **..**

 _9 Years Ago_

His smile is so beautiful as he pulls me onto his lap. All of this is new to me, but I have come to crave Ben's sweet touches and even sweeter mouth. Our whole relationship has been a whirlwind, even the platonic parts, and sometimes I feel like I just need to catch my breath. But sex with Ben is everything and it is the one thing I never want to step away from.

"What're you smiling about?" His voice is husky as he pulls away from a long kiss.

"I could ask you the same question." My fingertips trace the soft lines of his mouth, and he playfully nips one of my fingers. "Ow!" It didn't hurt, but I smile triumphantly as he sucks my finger into my mouth to soothe it.

We don't talk anymore as Ben carries me to his bed, tripping slightly over discarded shoes and clothes from our earlier escapades.

He tosses me on the bed gently and I almost cry out in surprise, but his mouth quickly devours mine and knocks the sound right out of me. He is so confident and sure of himself as he rolls on the condom, and when he rolls us over so that I'm on top, I don't think I've ever seen his smile any wider. Even though I have a lot of confidence in my body for a nineteen year old, I'm still a little unsure of myself. But Ben knows, and his hands find my hips to guide them.

I suck in a deep breath, and slowly but surely find my own rhythm. Soon Ben's hands drop from around my hips and caress my backside before finding my breasts. In time he lets go of me, and I falter when I see him pick up his phone.

"Ben-"

"It's just for me baby, I swear." He pauses, his green eyes finding mine. "Is it okay? I'll put it away if it's not."

Part of my brain is screaming "no, absolutely not" but the other part is so wrapped up in Ben and everything that comes along with him. That part wins. I ignore the flashes at first, but eventually it starts to make me feel sexy. I imagine Ben looking at these photos later while he's alone in his apartment, and I begin to feel turned on.

Eventually he tires of my slow pace and sits up, making me squeak as he slips in that much further. Now that he has leverage he moves his hips impossibly fast, and I can barely keep up. My hands find purchase on his shoulders, and I hang on as he kisses me hard and fucks me even harder. His phone is long abandoned, and all of our attention is focused on each other.

I know I love this man, and the intensity of it terrifies me.

…..

"Babe." Ben's hushed voice wakes me from my light sleep, and I sit up slightly. "Um, don't freak out, but when I pulled out the condom didn't come out."

"What the fuck?!" I scramble up out of bed, my hand reaching down to my crotch. Sure enough, there it was.

"Calm down, you just have to get it out. Sit down, I'll do it…"

I ignore him, pulling it out myself and taking it into the bathroom to dispose of it. When I come back into the bedroom, Ben is sitting on his bed, staring at me. "So, um, what does that mean?" I'm panicked now, cursing myself for not being on birth control. "This has never happened before."

"I'm sure it'll be fine. It's happened to me before and nothing bad happened. It'll be fine."

He pulls me back into his bed and I let myself forget my worries, feeling safe in his arms.

…..

"They're all positive, Ben."

"Fuck!" His fist slams against the door frame, and I jump slightly. Tears continue to fall slowly, and I wipe them away every few seconds. He's quiet for a moment, just staring at me and the three positive pregnancy tests in my hands. "C'mon, I'll take you to the doctor before I have to go into clinicals."

I stare at him in shock, knowing what he means. I hadn't even considered it. Truthfully, I hadn't had time to process and hadn't really considered anything…but especially not that. I was pro-choice but it's easy to have different opinions when it isn't you in the hot seat. "Ben…"

"No. We're not having a kid, Bella, are you crazy?! You're nineteen years old and I'm in the middle of a doctorate program…no way. I'm not fucking ready for kids- and neither are you. That's why we use condoms."

"Well the condoms didn't work and I think we should consider-" I reach out to take his and but he pulls away from me, shaking his head.

"I'm not having a kid, Bella. I don't want it. I don't _ever_ want kids, you know that. If you want to keep it…I don't want to be involved."

Tears flood my eyes again, and I can't believe what Ben is saying. I love this man, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Does that mean I have to get an abortion? He's making me chose between him and an unborn baby. Our unborn baby.

Ben crouches down in front of me and takes my hands in his. "Bella…I'm sorry. I'm sorry for freaking out. I love you, baby. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I can see our future together, and I want it. It just doesn't involve kids."

"Give me time to think about it," I plead, squeezing his hands tightly. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, too, but…" I start crying again, and it takes a moment for me to regain my composure. "This is a big decision."

He nods, and I swear I can see tears in his eyes, too. "Of course. I understand…I know this is a huge deal. I'm sorry, Bella. I know we should have been more careful." He kisses me sweetly, and I can tell that he's trying to kiss away my tears. It works, to a certain extent.

I don't cry again until later that night, alone in my dorm room.

…..

"I made an appointment at Planned Parenthood," I say quietly, wrapping my arms around Ben's waist as we sit on his couch. It has been two days since my home pregnancy tests came back positive, and even though I don't want it to be true, I can feel Ben pulling away from me.

I don't think he's doing it intentionally, but it hurts. All I want is for him to love me the way I love him. I know that a baby would derail not only all of my plans, but Ben's as well. I am scared shitless, barely have enough money to afford my share of tuition, and my parents would absolutely murder me if I dropped out of school and went back home knocked up.

Not to mention Ben and I would cease to exist.

…..

 **I know this is some very tough and touchy subject matter so I hope I haven't offended anyone. Remember, this is a work of fiction.**

 **Plan B didn't get approved for over the counter use until 2006 so I'm going to assume it wasn't available yet at this point in the story, just a heads up.**


	8. Chapter 8

**I know that chapter was rough, so thanks for sticking around. Feel free to ask any questions and I will do my best to answer. As a reward you do get EPOV in this chapter, so there's that…**

… **..**

 _94 Days_

His chest is heaving and his eyes are wild. I want to say something, anything, but it feels like all of the wind has been knocked out of me. I collapse back into my chair, tears streaming down my face.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't….I shouldn't have come in here and yelled at you and then said that. I'm sorry." Edward is at my side in a flash, and I don't even bother pushing him away. I just cry, feeling so stupid and so betrayed. He's probably known this entire time. For almost ten years, he has known about the darkest spot in my life and now, he has used it against me in anger. He puts his arm around me as I cry, and we don't speak for what seems like an eternity. Once my tears abate, he silently steps away from me and shoves his hands in his pockets.

"How? And how long? God, I feel so stupid."

Edward shakes his head, and he starts pacing the small room. "You're not stupid. I should have never even told you that I knew. I'm sorry. I threw that at you in anger and I know it was wrong. And Ben-"

"I don't want to talk about Ben right now, Edward. I just want to know what's going on. You were so honest with me at lunch; more honest with me than Ben has been about this whole situation between the two of you. Now I need some real answers."

"Ben told me. I'm sorry."

Tears prick my eyes again, and I bring my hand up to cover my face.

This whole time, I have been defending Ben and believing that Edward is the bad guy. I have tried to be loyal to Ben even while he is in a coma, and even though he might never wake up. And he told. He told Edward, of all people.

"I need a lot more context than that, Edward. What the fuck do you mean, Ben told you? When? And…and since when do the two of you _ever_ talk?!" I'm yelling again, tears still running down my face, and Edward looks absolutely miserable.

"He told me like…I dunno, a few weeks after it happened? And let me be clear Bella, Ben and I don't 'talk'. He bragged. That's all he did. I was already living in Chicago and Ben didn't get to rub stuff in my face the way he did while I was still in St. Louis. He lived for that shit. He knew my insecurity issues and capitalized on them. I didn't want to talk shit about Ben to you, especially now, but I think we're past that. Ben is an asshole, and not just to me. I'm just the only person who ever fought back against all that manipulation and strategizing."

The minutes go on, and my tears continue during pretty much our entire conversation. It couldn't have been more than thirty minutes that we talked, but in that time, I saw my entire marriage crash down before my eyes.

…..

 _95 days, Edward:_

Bella Swan-Cheney is one of the more complicated women I have come across in my thirty seven years. The fact that she was married to my conniving half-brother certainly didn't help the situation, either.

As I tried to explain to Bella, the relationship between Ben and me was rocky and confusing.

It started when we were children. Ben was the apple of Carlisle and my mother's eyes. My mother doted on me as well, and Carlisle provided for me generously and treated me with nothing but kindness. But it was different for Ben. He was a product of a loving, happy, and healthy marriage and was considered a blessing to the family. My mother loved me, but it was no secret that my father had treated her horribly, abused her, and that my conception came through rape, not love. I knew very little of Edward Cullen Sr., but the little my mother did share with me was not pleasant. She was eighteen when they got married, and had been pressured into the union by her family. She had feelings for her husband at first, but after he lost his job and turned to alcohol, he became hateful and abusive.

He died shortly after my birth, and probably did the world a favor by doing so. My mother met the love of her life only weeks later at a group therapy session that Carlisle had been sitting in on.

Within two years they were married and welcomed their firstborn son, Benjamin.

When we were young, Carlisle and my mother chalked up the animosity between Ben and me as normal boyish competition. I excelled at school, but so did Ben. And while I was more introverted and stuck to playing baseball, Ben was extremely extroverted and involved in every activity he could fit into his schedule.

Every good grade I got was overshadowed by an equal or even better grade by Ben. Any attention or praise I got playing baseball, Ben received even more of from soccer, football, student council, or the National Honor Society. It seemed trivial but deep down inside; I knew that Ben's success was fueled purely by his strong desire to outdo me in whatever way possible. Our parents disapproved of my dating habits and playboy status, even in high school. On the other hand, Ben dated two wonderful girls who Carlisle and mom approved of in high school and college before he married Bella while in graduate school.

At first, the two of them were just friends. Ben told the whole family all about how he had met this girl on the undergraduate campus and taken her under his wing. Our parents praised him for reaching out to a new student and Alice thought he was the sweetest guy. Then, at Christmas, he brought her to family dinner. It was the first time I laid eyes on the famous Bella Swan, and I was immediately interested

She was gorgeous in the classic kind of way with the most beautiful body and alluring brown eyes. And to top it off, unlike most of the women in my past, she was intelligent, kind, and funny. Despite my reputation of being a player, which my family was so ashamed of, I wanted Bella. I would settle for a hookup but honestly, I wanted more from her since the moment I saw her at the Cheney's dining room table.

Of course, I couldn't keep my fat mouth shut and Ben found out about my interest.

Two months later, my mother let it slip that Ben and Bella had started dating.

And that was just typical Ben. He always had to have what I wanted, even when we were kids. He would manipulate anyone and everyone to accomplish that, including Bella. And while I do believe that Ben really did have interest in Bella before, I couldn't help but shake the feeling that he only put the moves on her when he did because he found out that I was caught up in Bella's spell, too.

Things got worse between Ben and me when he started dating Bella. We had never talked much, but now I was on the receiving end of emails, voicemail messages, and yes, even pictures.

Seeing pictures of Ben fucking his girlfriend, the girl I had my sights set on before, wasn't quite the last straw. The last straw was Ben not only telling me that he got Bella pregnant, but that she was so in love with him that she was willing to consider an abortion.

I wasn't stupid. I knew, better than anyone, that Ben was the king of manipulation. I'm sure that Bella, being an intelligent woman, had put a great deal of thought and careful consideration into her decision. But I don't doubt for one minute that Ben was able to heavily influence her decision without her even realizing what he was doing.

I wasn't lying when I said I was coming back to St. Louis to repair my relationship with my mother and her family. Ben was younger than I, and he had a sudden stroke and was now lying in a hospital bed in a coma. It definitely rattled me. But I would be lying if I said that Bella didn't influence my decision, too. I had to jump on the opportunity to speak to her without my brother between us.

My plan had been to befriend her, nothing more. Predictably, that backfired and I found myself getting too close for comfort for Bella's taste. I saw the way she pulled away, and it panicked me and reminded me that I had no business getting close to her. For me, that could only lead to one thing.

…


	9. Chapter 9

**My ff account has joined facebook! My profile is called Cynosure Fanfic and has a banner for this story as the profile picture. Send me a friend request if you'd like! It's pretty sparse right now but I'll post teasers and the like in the future, and you can feel free to ask questions there, too.**

 **This week's chapter is early because 1. I got it done in time and 2. I'm going to a baseball game tomorrow and don't know when I'd be able to update then.**

 **Enjoy!**

… **...**

 _95 Days:_

It has taken this long, but I finally contacted the psychiatrist that Lauren had recommended to me. I had to miss an afternoon of work, but Dr. Hunter was able to squeeze me in for an appointment due to a last minute cancellation. I almost didn't accept the appointment. I'm not sure if I want to come to terms with everything that is wrong with my life. However, for my mental health, I had to do it.

I've been at my breaking point ever since my confrontation with Edward four days ago. At first, my anger just stemmed from the idea that Ben only asked me out because he didn't want Edward to get to me first. That had hurt badly enough, especially thinking about two grown men fighting over me like I was a piece of meat. They had acted like I was fair game to anyone, and that I would just sleep with either of them. And then Edward revealed some very disturbing facts about Ben. I was mad. And then I just couldn't hold it together.

Dr. Hunter's office is welcoming, cozy, but not exactly comforting. For me, daunting is probably the right word. Stepping into this office really signifies for me that something is wrong and I have to find out what it is and fix it before it destroys me and my marriage.

She welcomed me kindly, and remained quiet as I got myself situated in one of the plush chairs in front of her desk. Once I finally looked up at her with my hands folded on my lap, she began. And it wasn't as scary as I thought it was going to be. In fact, the beginning was fairly easy. There was a lot of information to go over about Ben's stroke and subsequent hospitalization, and that took up a good chunk of time. Unfortunately, we still had time to go over the bad stuff, too.

"So, Bella, it's been more than three months since your husband was hospitalized. I'm glad you finally decided you would like to reach out for help, but can you tell me what specifically brought you here, now? I'm guessing it is due to you having a particularly rough time more recently, so I'd like to talk about that in particular."

And then the whole story comes out. I blurt out everything I have learned about Ben and Edward, including how humiliated I was when I learned that Ben had told Edward about the abortion I had gotten when I was eighteen.

"I feel so conflicted. I just can't associate this Ben, the Ben Edward is telling me about, with my husband. He's never treated me badly and I can't believe that he would betray my confidence like this. Part of me wonders if Edward is lying about everything, and that he found out some other way. I just didn't think Ben would ever do anything like this."

Dr. Hunter doesn't speak for a moment, pursing her lips. "Bella," she finally says, "do you think it's possible that Ben isn't exactly the man you portray him to be?" I start to interject, but she holds up her hand. "Hear me out, Bella. You have been very forthcoming thus far, which is wonderful. I think it will allow us to build a strong client-therapist relationship. But, because you have been so forthcoming with me, I couldn't help but make my own assessment of your marriage."

"Uh, okay." I feel very fidgety all of a sudden, and I find myself sitting on my hands in an attempt to sit still and listen to what Dr. Hunter has to say.

"It seems very unhealthy, to be honest. You have done nothing but tell me about how wonderful Ben is, and how good of a husband he is. That's great. But I wonder if you have a distorted point of view. You say all the right things, but based on everything you've told me, it isn't very convincing."

I start to protest again, but I can't find the words. One thing pops into my head, and unfortunately, it only makes me feel ten times worse.

Ben loves me, and I love him. Our marriage is a happy one.

How long have I been repeating this mantra to myself and others without even realizing it?

"Oh my god." They are the only words I can find, and they don't seem like enough to convey the storm of emotions that have suddenly been released inside me. Tears seem to be the new normal for me, and Dr. Hunter quickly passes me a box of tissues. "I…I don't even know what to think. This is my whole life…Ben is my whole life."

"That's very common to hear in an abusive relationship, Bella."

"What?! No, no, no. Ben has never hit me. Never, I swear." I pull more tissues out of the box, my mind reeling. This is getting way out of control. It's one thing to admit there's a problem, but this? No.

"Bella, abuse doesn't have to be physical. I think Ben has been controlling you for a long time."

I don't speak for a while, silently wiping at my tears. "This is too much," I finally say, looking down at my lap.

"I'm sure you're feeling a lot of things right now, Bella. And that's perfectly understandable. We've had a very eventful first appointment, and I'm sure you need time to process and think over everything we've talked about. I would like to schedule you for another appointment next week, okay?" I nod, and she proceeds to schedule an appointment for me as I gather my things to leave. All I want to do now is get out of this office and be alone. "Please call me if you need anything."

Five minutes later I leave my appointment with a heavy heart and a confused mind.

…

 _96 Days:_

"I think changing the paint color in here will do wonders, dear. The taupe is nice but it isn't very homey. You can do a lot with this room if you change the paint colors and the furniture placement-"Esme is on a roll, waving her hands around as I look through the huge catalog she brought along with her.

After my appointment with Dr. Hunter, I got home and realized that I need to change something. And with Ben in a coma, there's not much I can do to change my marriage. So that _something_ is my house. It's just been Stan and I living here these past three months, and it has gotten pretty depressing. I need a change, and this is going to be it.

It's small, but it's my something.

"Esme, can I ask you something about Ben?" I think my question asks my normally dignified mother in law off guard, because for once, she looks like a deer in headlights.

"Of course you can, Bella. Let's sit down." We settle down on the couch with Stan cuddled up between us, and she smiles at me. "Honestly, dear, you probably know more about Ben than I do." She laughs, but all I can think is that I must not know the half of it.

"Well, really, it's about Ben…and Edward."

Esme purses her lips. "Oh. I see."

"I'm just confused, Esme. Their relationship is obviously volatile and now that Edward is back in St. Louis I don't know how I should treat him." That's partly a lie, but I don't mind. I just want more answers.

"Oh, Bella, that's something that I don't even fully understand. It's always been a competition between the two of them, and Edward has always had a chip on his shoulder because of the situation with his biological father. He hurt me deeply when he left like he did, and when he stayed away for so long. What's important, though, is that he's back now and is rebuilding bridges. I know it might be a little odd for you but just treat Edward like a normal sister in law would. You don't have to be friends with him, if you feel uncomfortable with it. If…well, _when_ Ben recovers, Lord willing, he will help you sort this all out." She pats my hand, and that's that.

And I realize that I'm not the only one who Ben has control over.

…

I type out the words, but I stare at my phone for what seems like a lifetime before hitting send. What am I doing here? I don't even know what to expect from this. It all still feels hugely inappropriate, even though I now know a great deal more to the story. I'm not sure if I even want to know the rest.

My world has already been turned completely upside down, along with all my feelings about the man I married. Do I really want to drag Edward into this with me? Am I better off not knowing anymore?

It takes several more minutes to work up the courage, but I finally press send.

 _Lunch on Saturday? I have to talk to you._

Edward's reply is nearly instantaneous, and makes my heart hammer in my chest.

 _Of course. I promise this lunch won't end like our last one._

…

 _98 Days_

"I guess it's my turn to ask _you_ why you invited me to lunch." Edward's smile is tentative, and I don't blame him. I yelled at him the last time we spoke, and when he left the hospital room that day I was still in tears.

"I need to know everything."

Edward stares at me, and I think I see some trepidation in his green eyes. "You just have to ask, Bella. I don't even care about making Ben sound less like a psychopath anymore. What else do you want to know?" Psychopath. The word scares me, but also sparks a fearful sense of curiosity within me. Could that possibly be true? Have I been married to a psychopath this entire time?

"How much more has Ben told you-"

"Wait, let me set one thing straight before we continue," Edward says. "Ben didn't _tell_ me things, not like in the sense that we had actual conversation. He bragged and gloated. And yeah, he said a lot of things about you. And I don't mean to be vulgar but towards the beginning of your relationship, it was mostly stuff about your tits and, uh, sexual stuff."

My cheeks redden and I feel a rush of anger, but I have to remind myself that this stuff is not Edward's fault. My husband is the one who did this.

"Tell me the truth, Edward. Did Ben send you, um, pictures? Of me and him…." I trail off, unable to even look Edward straight in my eye. It's been nagging at my mind lately, remembering the few times Ben had taken pictures of me and the other times I had willingly sent him pictures myself.

"Yeah." He speaks shortly, and I can tell that he doesn't want to look me in the eye, either.

I bring my hand up to my face, so embarrassed and so _angry_. How could Ben do this to me? Did he even care that I might find out?"

"I probably should have said something to you sooner," Edward finally admits. "That really bothered me. Ben and I had our share of locker room talk, just to try and one-up each other. But then he married you and I don't know…it just seemed so weird. I didn't know how to tell you, especially without it seeming like I was trying to turn you against Ben. I can't even imagine how he would have reacted to something like that."

"Edward, it's not your fault! God, I'm so embarrassed…please, please tell me that you deleted those pictures. This is hard enough; I can't live with there being pictures of me…like that…out there."

"I deleted them immediately, I swear."

Nodding, I pick at the food on my plate for a moment. "Thank you."

We're silent for a few more minutes, both of us really just moving around the food on our plate. It seems that this kind of talk is killing both of our appetites.

"Forgive me if this is too forward, and feel free to not answer, but are you going to stay with him?" Edward's question shocks me, in a way. I hadn't even thought about the situation like that. All I've been thinking about is waiting for Ben to come out of the coma so I can kill him myself. Of course, not really, but a girl can dream. For probably the hundred millionth time, I wish that Ben were awake. But unlike before, it is so that I can yell at him and get answers from him. I want to know why he would do all of this to me when I have done nothing but give him all of myself.

"I don't know," I say, and it's the truth. "Things are so confusing right now. I don't know what to do. I've started seeing a psychiatrist and she made me realize that our marriage, our whole relationship, isn't healthy. And even though I realize that now, it is hard to come to terms with and to understand. For ten years, I've lived like this. Ben has become my everything…every sense of normalcy I have is tied up in him. I'm sure that doesn't make sense, but, uh, that's how I feel. I have no idea what I'm going to do."

…


	10. Chapter 10

**Wow. This story has been featured on the Lemonade Stand in their bi-weekly rec/review post. Thanks so much! I'm blown away by the response this story has gotten and I hope everyone continues to enjoy it, rec, and review!**

… **.**

 _100 Days_

"Jasper wants me to come meet his family. Isn't that crazy? I'm so nervous. Everything has happened so fast with him but since he's in the military, I only get so much time with him so it's okay. I just wish I had met him five years sooner, you know?"

I smiled at my sister in law, genuinely happy for her. Just because my fairytale romance didn't turn out right didn't mean I begrudged Alice her happiness with Jasper.

"Tell me the truth. Do you think we're moving too fast?" Alice has been talking a mile a minute all afternoon, and I think this is the first time she's actually stopped at asked my opinion. I don't mind, though. I know how Alice is and I love her for it.

"I don't know, Al. It's only been two months, but I think when you know, you know. And I don't think I've ever seen you so happy before."

She squealed, her smile growing impossibly larger. "Good! I've been dying to tell you but I wasn't sure how you'd take it. Jasper and I are going to get married!" She's talking rapidly again, and I can't help but tune her out for just a minute. I remember, ten years ago, when I was the one in her position. Telling anyone and everyone the wonderful news; my perfect boyfriend had proposed and we were going to live happily ever after. And look at me now.

But I shake away those unhappy thoughts and open my arms up to my sister in law, the girl I love so much she might as well be my own flesh and blood. "I'm so happy for you, Alice." It's hard to be so happy for another person right now, but I am. Alice deserves this, and I hope that her fairy tale comes true and stays perfect.

"Thank you so much, Bella. I can't tell you how much your support means to me. I know this has all happened so fast, and it's a little crazy. But Jasper's leave will be over soon, and if we're not married when he goes back into active duty…well, things will be ten times harder."

"I understand, Alice. Really. And I'll help you with whatever you need. All you have to do is ask."

She hugs me again, and I squeeze her back tightly. Even in moments like these, when she's not saying or doing anything particularly special, Alice is a huge comfort to me. And although I don't want to put her in an awkward situation, there are things that I need from her in order to proceed with certain things in my life. I don't want to take all of the attention away from her big news, but I still need a lot of answers about Ben…and about Edward.

Even though Edward has been open and told me about anything I wanted to hear, I still need another source of information. I was so happy with Ben. And even though I've had a lot of revelations thanks to Edward and Dr. Hunter, I am hesitant to throw ten years of my life away when I can't even talk to Ben or hear him defend himself.

"Al, I need to ask you a couple more questions about your brothers, if that's okay with you. It's just that…well, Edward has been talking to me a lot more and he's told me some things that are pretty troubling." I see Alice's brow furrow, but I push my luck and continue. "According to Edward, he and Ben kept up communication even after Edward moved to Chicago. Do you know if that's true?"

"Uh, yeah. They mentioned emails, which honestly surprised me at the time because…well, you know how things were, and are, between those two. What are you getting at, Bella?"

"I'll explain everything, Alice, but first I need to figure things out for myself. Feel free not to answer, but has Ben ever….well, told you things about me? Personal things?"

"What?! No, Bella," Alice exclaims, but then trails off. "But, um, I know that Ben did brag to Edward a lot about you. I think Edward had a little crush on you. Ben never said anything personal about you in front of me, I swear. I would have told you. He did like to rub things in Edward's face, you know. Just…that he had you and that you were perfect for him. He wanted Edward to be jealous. What do you mean by 'personal things', though?

I covered my face with my hands, not looking forward to hashing this entire ordeal out once again. Besides, I didn't really want Alice to know every detail, even though she's my best friend. It's embarrassing, especially when you take into account that my husband, her beloved older brother, is at the center of it all.

"I don't want to get into everything but Edward knew some stuff about me and Ben, stuff that only one of us would have been able to tell him. And it obviously wasn't me. He says Ben told him, and while I don't want to believe that about my husband…it's hard not to. He's the only other person who could have told. And he's not even here to defend himself, so I feel so conflicted and confused…I don't know what to do."

The tears have started again, and I wipe them away quickly. I am so tired of crying over this.

"God. I'm sorry, Bella. I really am. I don't want to speak negatively about Ben, but I think I can confirm that he told Edward things. It's all about competition with those two, and Ben would do anything to show up Edward. I don't want to think he would betray your confidence…but unfortunately, I wouldn't put it past him. He's like a different person when it comes to Edward. He's never been that way with anyone else. You know how he really is, Bella."

The thing is, no, I don't know how he really is. Every perception I have had of my husband in the past ten years has been horribly distorted by all the information that has come to light in the past few weeks. A month ago, I would have never thought that Edward's reappearance in St. Louis, and in all of our lives, would impact me so greatly.

His arrival and subsequent confessions have sent me into a complete tailspin. I don't know who or what to believe anymore, and to make matters worse, I can't even talk to my husband about any of this.

Ben was always my best friend, my confidant. He had been my everything for so long. And even though I feel so betrayed by him and have come to terms with the fact that our relationship was neither perfect nor healthy, I wish I could go back one hundred days in time and be able to talk to him one more time.

…

 _101 Days_

"Well, Bella, there have been some changes." Dr. Harper's opening words nearly knock me out of my chair.

For months, there have been no changes. Nothing good, nothing bad. "Wow. What kind of changes? There haven't really been any improvement since the first couple of weeks, but there hasn't been anything bad, either. What's going on now?"

"Well, as you know, your husband's stroke was caused by cardiac distress. Luckily, we were able to stabilize his heart and prevent failure. But unfortunately, over time, his heart muscles have continued to weaken as he remains in the coma. What we're worried about now is that the weakening continues and causes the ventricles of Ben's heart to stretch out. And if the ventricle dilates too much, the heart is unable to pump blood and we are then dealing with heart failure."

Dr. Harper's words scare me, but I manage to keep my cool in front of him. "What do we do now?" I ask, my eyes trained on Ben. He looks the same to me. He doesn't look like the kind of person with heart problems, especially heart problems that could kill him. Despite the tubes and beeping machines around him, he looks fairly normal. He looks like a normal middle aged man, not like one who could die.

"Well, if it gets serious, he would need a heart transplant. I want to reiterate that he isn't at that point yet. Heart failure is the worst outcome, and we are just trying to prepare for the worst. He's in good hands here, Bella, and so are you. We'll do everything in our power to take care of Ben and offer you any help you need."

…

 **I hope my medical jargon and ailments are somewhat correct/realistic. If not, chalk it up to creative license and use your imagination.**


	11. Chapter 11

**My apologies for the delay. School got pretty crazy last week, and I kept thinking I would manage to get the chapter out but obviously I couldn't find the time.**

 **Hope you enjoy this chapter, and as always, thank you for taking the time to read, review, and rec.**

…

 _102 Days_

Telling Esme and Carlisle about Ben was just as hard as me hearing from Dr. Harper, if not worse. The news had been difficult for me, but it was more shocking than anything else. I was already feeling so conflicted about Ben and our marriage; I wasn't quite sure how to name the emotion raging within me now. But for Esme and Carlisle, the news was completely devastating. Ben, their golden child, was in jeopardy.

"Well did they put him on the transplant list? It's bad enough that they can't manage to get him out of the coma, if they can't get him a new heart-"

"It doesn't work like that, darling." Carlisle, normally stoic and quiet, interrupted his wife. "He's in a coma, he would never even get on the transplant list."

Esme fell silent, and I watched as her eyes filled with tears. Without saying another word, she got up and exited the room.

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair and tightened my grip on the drink Carlisle had made for me.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Is there anything I can do to help you?" I look up and Carlisle is smiling sadly at me with misty eyes.

"No. Thank you, Carlisle, but I should be the one asking you that."

He shakes his head, and his smile fades. "Bella, is everything okay? You've seemed a little distant lately. I know it must be hard for you without Ben here, but you can always talk to either Esme or me if you need to. We're here for you, and we love you like a daughter."

"Thank you, I love the both of you very much as well. But really-" I start to deny his offer to talk, but suddenly think better of it. "I actually would like to talk to you, if you don't mind." He nods, and I continue. "Edward being back in St. Louis has…well, it has brought up some problems for me. He has told me some things about his relationship with Ben that are unsettling. And come to find out…Ben might have been telling personal things about me to Edward. I don't know if it's true. Ben is my husband. And Edward…well, I barely know him. I obviously can't talk to Ben about this. Alice has tried to fill in some of the blanks for me but she wasn't much help…"

"What're you asking me, Bella?" Carlisle sits back in his seat, the mistiness gone from his eyes and replaced with confusion.

"I just want to know if the man I married is everything I thought he was," I whisper, unable to look at him again.

Carlisle gets up and pours himself another drink, and a few minutes pass before he speaks again. "Ben and Edward have a tumultuous relationship, they always have. I don't think I helped much, either. It was hard to come to terms with raising Edward. Of course, I came to love him and I wouldn't trade him for the world. But the damage from the early days is done, and Edward suffered because of it. Ben, on the other hand, has always flourished. He's been successful in everything he's tried his hand in. And I know he's not humble. He liked to make sure Edward knew about his successes, too. I can't imagine any of this is news to you, but there's nothing else that I can tell you."

"I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry, Carlisle. I'm going to head out."

There was one thing I learned from my conversation with Carlisle. Ben really did have everyone else fooled, not just Esme. But did Edward have me fooled, too?

…

I dreamt about green eyes that night. They were the same green eyes that I had been captivated by for a decade, the ones I loved more than anything.

But for the second time, those green eyes didn't belong to my husband. They belonged to his half-brother, and the very idea of that scared. It was another type of betrayal; one far worse than the kind I had felt I was committing before.

That night, for the first time, I allowed myself to realize that I was in far too deep. Somewhere along the line, between the crying and fighting and confessions, I had given a part of myself to Edward. It wasn't a physically intimate part, but an emotional one. I don't know when it happened, but I can't deny it now. I feel something for him, something that I know I shouldn't be feeling.

With all of the confusion that has already crept into every other part of my life, this added trouble isn't welcome. But unfortunately, before I can even try and address this, I have much bigger questions to get the answers to.

…  
 _  
103 Days_

I sat in the dark in Ben's office, staring at the computer screen in front of me. It had become painfully obvious that no one could tell who it was safe to trust. I couldn't throw away my whole marriage based on what Edward told me, but I also couldn't stay with a man who had betrayed me like that, if it was true.

To me, there was only one viable option left. My earlier search of Ben's email had been fruitless, but I hadn't searched any further than his work email.

If Ben really was the manipulative and destructive person Edward painted him as, these emails still existed. They would have been like trophies to him. It also meant that finding these emails might not be easy. I started by looking in his primary private email account, and was disappointed to find that the emails in the account only went back about five years. I looked on some of his junk accounts, but found nothing in any of those, either.

It was getting a little frustrating, but now I was determined either prove or dispel the horrible things my husband might have done to me. If I were to find these emails, it would be further proof that Ben had been playing me all along, and that our marriage was nothing more than a game to him. It hurt me deeply, but that hurt fueled me to look harder. I deserve to find out the truth, even if it kills me.

After poking around on his primary account, I found his backup email account. It was a Hotmail account that, unfortunately, didn't share the same passwords as any of Ben's other emails or accounts that I knew of.

Luck was on my side when I got to the security questions, and in no time at all, I was able to gain access to the account.

The mouse hovered over the "submit" key, and I could feel my hand shaking. I could admit to myself that I was terrified. I was so scared of what I might find, but I owed it to myself to uncover some answers once and for all. I logged in, scrolling through the first page slowly without finding anything. The account was fairly recent, with emails dating as recently as a year ago. They were mostly emails to and from college friends, ones that I didn't bother reading.

There was no point in looking through any of those- I wanted to find answers, not bore myself to death, so I navigated up to the search bar, typed in my brother in laws name, and hit enter.

Hundreds of results popped up. Hundreds.

…

 **Hopefully I can be on time or a little earlier with the update next week. I didn't even get around to posting a teaser this week! I can't believe how much school is kicking my butt! I have a scholarship luncheon to go to on Saturday but I am hoping have time to work on the next chapter after that.**

 **Thanks again!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Today, Edward gets his word in first. But don't worry, Bella gets her chance, too.**

 **Thanks for all the love.**

…

 _103 Days, Edward_

"What? Don't tell me you haven't missed me." Victoria stood in front of me, the corners of her red-painted mouth turned upside down in an exaggerated pout. She had gone in for a kiss, and for the first time since we've started our relationship, I turned away.

I didn't know what to say. Realizing what my silence meant, Victoria quietly slipped away from me and headed into the en suite of the hotel room I was staying in until I could move into my new apartment. When she emerged, she was fully dressed again, and she motioned for me to sit down on the edge of the bed. I did, and she followed suit, keeping a respectable distance.

"Do you want to talk about it? This…this is big, Edward. You've never turned me down, so I know this is serious."

I laughed, and she cracked a smile, too. We had somehow eased back into our old rapport, when we were just close friends and nothing more. As much as I had loved having a sexual relationship with Victoria in the past, I had loved our platonic friendship, as well. "I know. I'm sorry, Vic. It's not that I don't find you attractive. I…I can't get her out of my head. I think I've fallen for her."

The smile slides off of Victoria's face, and her mouth drops open in shock. "What?!" She gets up off the bed and immediately starts pacing, just like she does when we're in a jam at work. The familiarity of her actions is somewhat comforting but doesn't help to clear my head at all. "We're talking about your sister in law here, aren't we?"

"Yes." I put my head in my hands, trying to find the words to explain what was going on in my heart and in my head. "It's crazy, I know it is. But, Victoria, I need your advice."

"Well, bucko, before I can give you any advice, I need to understand a little bit better. Explain to me how things changed…last I heard, she was just your uptight sister in law that you wanted to bone ten years ago."

"She's not uptight, as it turns out. Ben has been talking shit about me for years, so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when she never liked me. But anyway, you're right. I did want to sleep with her after we were first introduced. She was gorgeous, and she still is. Ben knew I wanted her, and he swooped in. They had been friends for a while, so I'm sure he had been interested and was laying the groundwork that whole time, but still. I was pissed. He knew it, too. I got pictures, emails, phone messages…all that stuff. Just to rub it in my face. Eventually it seemed like my attraction to her died off, because she married my asshole of a half-brother.

But then I came back to St. Louis for good, and for the first time, I saw her without Ben. I saw her as a person, not as just a hot girl or as my sister in law. She's such a wonderful person, Victoria. Better than Ben deserves. I told her about Ben, about how he treated her and that I knew everything, and she just imploded. I felt sorry for her, but I also felt something else. It took me a while, but I finally figured out what that something else is. I like her. As immature as that sounds, I like Bella. I feel myself falling for her but at the same time, I know she's married…to my half-brother, of all people."

"This is like a soap opera, Edward." Victoria shook her head at me, a rueful smile on her face. "You want my advice? Tell her how you feel. Now that she knows the truth about her creep of a husband, she might be ready to wash her hands of him. It'd be creepy if you guys started fucking right away though, just so you know. So save those Cassanova moves of yours for later."

"I'm not an animal, Vic. Give me some credit. I just want to tell her how I feel."

…...

 _103 Days, Bella_

Clicking through the emails was mind numbing. Some of them had nothing to do with me. Some did involve me, but they didn't contain anything personal, specific, or degrading. But the rest…the rest were horrifying.

The pictures were bad enough. That was degrading and humiliating, but at least I already knew what all of them looked like; I had seen them before. It hurt to know that Ben had shared them so viciously and carelessly. The bragging and the graphic descriptions were the worst part. I had never expected that. It was not the man I thought I had married, and I was horrified with who he really was.

I fumbled to close out the browser, tears clouding my vision.

I didn't recognize my life anymore.

 _120 Days_

The phone and text messages had gone on and on for the past three weeks.

"Bella, I haven't seen you in a few days. Are you okay? Let's meet up soon."

"Lauren and Dr. Harper said they haven't seen you at the hospital in a few days. Are you okay?"

"Isabella, darling, please give me a call. Alice said she is worried about you."

"Look, it's been three weeks since I've seen you, Bella, and I'm starting to get less worried and more pissed off. You're supposed to be helping me plan my wedding. Call me back."

For the past three weeks, I had secluded myself in an entirely different way than I had when Ben had gone into the hospital. Then, I had relied on my in laws for support and comfort. Now, I threw myself further into work and ignored the people who tried to reach out to me.

Before reading those emails, I hadn't been sure about what I wanted to do about my marriage to Ben.

Now, I just wanted it to be over.

…

"So, you _haven't_ fallen off the face of the earth." Alice stood in my doorway, arms crossed and looking furious.

"I'm sorry, Al." I held the door open wider and stepped aside so she could come into the house.

We were both quiet as she took off her coat and shoes and followed me into the kitchen. I poured us both a cup of coffee, and she accepted her and sat down at the bar. "Go ahead, explain."

"I want to divorce Ben." It sounded ludicrous, even to me, but it did feel good to finally say the words out loud. "I've been thinking of this and practically nothing else for the last three weeks. He's not the man I thought I married, Alice. I've found out the truth about him, and it terrifies me. I shouldn't be afraid of my own husband. And even though I know he would never physically hurt me…" I trailed off, knowing that I had been rambling.

Alice stared at me, coffee cup in hand, mouth hanging open. "What in the world are you talking about, Bella? This is my brother you're talking about…he loves you more than anything! He would never hurt anyone, let alone you-"

"He emailed naked pictures of me, Alice, and that's just the tip of the iceberg." I wiped away some of the tears in my eyes, and I couldn't even look at Alice. "I don't want to talk about it. That's just what's been going on. I'm sorry I haven't been around. I didn't mean to ignore you."

"Oh my god, Bella…are you sure? I'm so sorry, but really, are you positive? That just doesn't sound like Ben, and to throw away your whole marriage without being able to talk to him about it…"

I stared at her in disbelief. "Alice, I'm sure. I wouldn't have told you I wanted a divorce if I wasn't sure."

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound like I'm brushing this off, I really don't. I just can't believe Ben would do something like that."

"Neither did I, Alice. That's the problem. He's been manipulating me this whole time, and it's taken me this long to figure it out. And if Edward hadn't told me, I would have never found out." As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew I had made a huge mistake.

" _Edward_ told you? As in, my brother Edward? What does he-" She trailed off, eyes growing wider. "Oh my god. Are you telling me that Ben sent pictures of you to Edward? That's…that's sick."

"My thoughts exactly."

…


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks for your patience last week. Midterms are over, and I'm safe again til finals week.**

 **Some of you will love this chapter and I think some of you will hate it haha. Let me know! I love hearing your thoughts. I try to reply but I know I'm not the greatest at it. I'm trying to get better, so bear with me.**

…

 _126 Days_

"Bella, this is Dr. Harper."

"Hi, Dr. Harper. What can I do for you?" I pushed away from my desk in my rolling chair, letting it spin around. I hadn't been to the hospital in almost a month, and obviously the doctors and nurses had started to notice. I had become close with many of them in the first three months of Ben's hospitalization, and they had seen me there once a day, sometimes twice.

"Bella, I'm sorry to bother you at work, but you need to come to the hospital as soon as possible. Your husband is in distress."

And then I went numb.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. For the past four months, I have refused to think of death as the end of Ben's hospital stay. Even after I learned the truth about my husband, divorce was what came to my mind instead of his death.

Did I want Ben to die? I was still hurt, and mortified beyond belief. I had started to develop feelings for my brother in law. But none of that erased ten years of marriage, during which I had been oblivious, but had convinced myself that we were happy. Part of me didn't want to lose that. I didn't know how I would cope with Ben's death, especially now that our marriage was in such an odd place. I wanted out, and he had no idea. Everything had changed after he had gone into the coma.

I had changed.

…

"How is he?" I was out of breath as I shoved the door to Ben's room open and barreled inside. Dr. Harper was already there, along with two nurses I recognized.

"Bella, please," Dr. Harper stepped forward and gestured for me to follow him out of the room. I did so, following him into the family lounge down the hall.

We sat down, and he offered me a cup of coffee. I accepted, wishing that he would just get to the point. My heart was hammering so hard it hurt my eyes, and the lump in my throat was so large I was struggling to swallow the stale coffee Dr. Harper had handed to me.

"Bella, I'm sorry to tell you that Ben had another heart attack this afternoon. His heart muscles were already severely weakened, as you know. Unfortunately, his heart is now too weak to pump blood on its own. He is on a ventilator, and we aren't very optimistic that he will be able to survive off of it." He reaches out to pat my hand, and I can tell that he is genuinely sympathetic. "I'm so sorry, Bella. We've done everything we can for Ben and I hope we can do whatever you need from us, as well."

…

I watched in silence as Esme, Carlisle and Alice sat around Ben's bedside. They were tearful but dignified, talking softly and embracing Ben one at a time. Esme stroked her son's cheek, seemingly unable to break her physical connection with him. I had stepped back to give them space and time with him, but really I didn't want to see me interact with him.

I had no idea what to do. Do I cry? Kiss him? How can I do that when I wanted to divorce him and had started to hate him? And how could I act sorrowful and sad about his death when he had hurt me in so many ways?

Edward stood beside me, also silent. He had stood at Ben's bedside with the rest of the family at first, saying a quick goodbye to his half-brother, the brother who had tortured him and manipulated everyone else. Now he stood next to me, making me feel at least a little bit stronger. It might be wrong, but I took comfort in his presence. I wanted to deny the feelings I had started to develop for Edward, but even now, it was a struggle. I wanted to hug him and see how it felt for him to hold me up now that I felt like I was going to collapse under the stress and confusion.

"How are you doing?" He speaks quietly, so that only I can hear him. And strangely enough, it comforts me.

"I don't know," I say truthfully, keeping my eyes on my in laws. "I can't believe it."

He nods, also looking over Ben and the rest of his family. "I know. Me either."

Alice turns at looks us, her eyes red. "Bella, I'm sorry, I need a break. Will you walk with me to the coffee machine?"

I nod, gathering my purse at my jacket. "Yeah, of course."

"I'll come with you." It doesn't surprise me that Edward speaks up. I don't blame him for wanting to get out of this room, too.

Esme and Carlisle barely look up as the three of them exit the room, and I am hit with a whole new wave of pain when I think about what they must be going through. Regardless of what he has done to me and the rest of his family, he is their son. He was always their golden children, their baby boy. I know they don't agree with my decision to pull the plug, even if he would be destined for a life as a vegetable if I didn't.

Outside in the hallway, Alice throws her arms around me. "I can't believe my big brother won't be at my wedding," she cries. I hold her for a moment, but then she pulls away from me and embraces Edward. "Thank you for coming home. I couldn't do this without you." Her exclamation is almost panicked, and Edward's eyes well up with tears and his little sister hugs him.

I step aside so that the two of them can share a moment, and my head and heart are both racing.

I think I have made the right decision to pull the plug. Ben's quality of life would have been nothing if we kept him alive. He would have lived the rest of his life being kept alive by machines until his heart gave up once and for all. And for what? If he would have lived like that, I would want a divorce anyway, leaving him alone in the hospital, rotting away. If things were different, and Ben hadn't treated me like a piece of meat instead of the woman he supposedly loved, I probably would not have come to this decision.

But now I know the truth, and this is my only chance to distance myself for the harm this man did to me and take back my life. I struggled with this decision, because I don't take it lightly. I had Ben's life in my hands, in a way. If there were still any realistic chance of him waking up and fully recovering, I would not have come to this decision.

…

By the time we are finishing up with the goodbyes, the night shift nurses have come in. Lauren is one of the first to make a beeline for me, her arms open. I embrace her, and then silently pull her out into the hallway away from the rest of the family.

"Bella, I'm so sorry," Lauren says as soon as the door closes behind us. "Are you okay?" I nod wordlessly, and Lauren looks at me quizzically. "I haven't seen you in weeks. Neither has Dr. Harper or Hannah. What has been going on?"

I shake my head at her, but smile slightly so she doesn't worry too much. "I'll be okay, Lauren. Thank you. I don't want to get into it right now."

She leaves me be with another hug and a kind smile, and I gather my wits and head back into the room I have become so accustomed to.

...


	14. Chapter 14

**Another small update this weekend, you'll see why.**

…

 _127 Days_

"Bella."

I woke with a start, my eyes searching the room for the source of the sound.

Edward stood in the doorway of the family lounge, a fresh cup of coffee in his hand. Like me, he looked disheveled and sleep deprived. I smiled weakly and stood up, stretching my sore body before eagerly accepting the coffee he handed me.

It struck me suddenly how well Edward has treated me, and how different it is than anything I am used to. I had been in complete denial about what my relationship with my husband was, but I knew that it wasn't like this. A part of me still loves my husband, the man I thought he was. But the rest of me knows that I had been manipulated and mistreated just like everyone else.

"My parents are done saying goodbye," Edward said quietly.

I nodded, overcome with an indescribable feeling. It was some strange mixture of guilt, sadness, and relief. I didn't know what to call this feeling, but I hated it. I felt like I was doing something wrong, even though I knew that this was the right decision. I knew it, but somehow I felt like I still had to convince myself.

"Thanks," I said quietly as we headed back towards Ben's room together. My heart felt like it was beating through my chest, and there were spots in my vision. But we kept walking, and then I was standing in the doorway of that room for what seemed like the millionth time, looking at my husband lying in that same hospital bed.

In that moment, it seemed like nothing had changed, but at the same time, everything had. It was extremely unsettling and I didn't have the slightly idea about how to deal with it.

Esme, in tears, held her arms out to me. I hug her tightly, genuinely feeling sad. Just because our relationship hadn't been what I thought it was didn't mean I wasn't mourning the death of it and the death of the man I had called mine for ten years.

Holding onto Esme with one hand and Alice with the other, I watched the doctor and nurses file into the room. Carlisle and Edward stood at the other side of the bed, hands in their pockets, faces grim. Carlisle's eyes were red with tears, and there was no emotion in Edward's face. This family felt defeated as we stood over Ben's hospital bed, watching him die.

And less than an hour later, it was all over.

…

"I just can't believe this," Esme murmured, wiping at her eyes. "I never imagined it ending like this. My little boy…"

"Enough with that talk," Carlisle said, standing up. "We should be celebrating Ben's life, not wallowing in sadness." He lifted his glass, and we silently did the same. "To Ben. His life ended too soon, and he left behind many loved ones. But we'll always love him."

"To Ben," everyone chorused, taking a drink. Edward's eyes met mine over the rim of our glasses, and he grimly smiled at me before taking a drink.

The rest of the evening passed in a blur, but in the end, it started to feel less depressing and a little easier to with. The copious drinking helped, but it was also nice to be with my family and know that they would be here for me even if Ben was dead and gone. It made me feel a little less alone.

…

"I've got it, thanks." Edward stood behind me as I struggled to unlock my front door, holding the box of Ben's belongings that had accumulated the hospital in his arms.

"Are you sure?" He laughed, and pushed the box into my arms while grabbing the keys from me. "You're a lousy drunk, Cheney." He had the door open in an instant, and I shoved the box back towards him.

"I'm not drunk, Cullen. I'm supposed to be in mourning. And I'm tipsy. But no, not drunk." I headed into the house, kicking off my heels and messaging the sore soles of my feet. "Throw that box in the garage. I don't want it in the house."

Edward obliged, and several minutes later he joined in the dark kitchen. "What do you have to drink, Cheney?"

"It's Swan," I said quietly, not moving from my place at the counter as he looked through the fridge. "And I don't think you need anything else to drink."

"Really?" Illuminated by nothing other than the light from the open refrigerator, Edward looked like a little kid.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, really. You've had enough to drink. We both have."

"Not about that." Edward rolled his eyes back, finally pulling an old bottle of vodka out of the freezer. "About the name. You're serious?"

He poured me a drink, and his eyes never left mine.

"Yeah, I am. I'm done being tied to Ben."

We both knocked our drinks back, and I winced at the burn, even though it was nice to know I wasn't completely numb.

"Well. That does make this is a little easier," Edward said slowly, setting his glass down on the counter.

His lips are on mine suddenly, hot and insistent and full of emotion. I'm taken aback for a moment, but in a split second I give into him, because this is what I have wanted for weeks. My hands slid around his neck, one of them coming up to run through his thick hair. His hands come up around my waist, squeezing tight and making me feel more wanted than I have in years.

We kissed for what felt like years, putting me in a more blissful place than I had been in a long time. Suddenly we're stumbling up the stairs. It would be easy if we would just stop kissing for a moment, but it seems impossible. I feel like I _have_ to be kissing him. I have to touch him.

I steer us towards the guest room, pawing at Edward's shirt until it's on the floor. My dress follows, and Edward hoists me up onto the bed. He suddenly pulls away and stops, staring at me intently. His chest heaves, and his eyes are wild. "Should we be doing this?" He asks, and I freeze. "Not that I don't want to. I've wanted to for years. It's just…"

"I'm not drunk," I whisper. "And I've wanted to, too."

…


	15. Chapter 15

**Uploaded the wrong chapter first, but it is correct now. Thanks to the people who let me know.**

 **It's foolish of them, but that's the point. I hope you stick with me til the end. There is another note at the bottom, if you care to read that as well.**

 **This is just an extra update, and it will be short. I'll be back again on Wednesday or maybe Thursday for the regular weekly update.**

…

 _127 Days, Continued_

Edward's lips cover mine again as soon as the words are out of my mouth, and I pull him to me hungrily. I know I'm confused, and hurt. I know I may regret this in the morning. But in this moment, all I want is to feel loved and cherished, not manipulated and used. On some levels I feel like I barely know Edward, but on others, I feel like we are perfect for each other. It seems twisted that I am getting…involved with my late husband's half-brother, especially so incredibly soon after his passing. Ben has been dead to me ever since I learned the truth about him and the abusive nature of our relationship.

I tried to push those thoughts fair out of my mind as Edward's hands come up to push my skirt up over my waist. I let myself get lost in his touch, closing my eyes and tossing my head back.

"Are you sure this is okay?" It's not until Edward speaks several minutes later that I realize we are skin to skin, with nothing between us.

"Yes," I breathe, pulling him close just to feel his lips on mine again. But he pulls away, and I want to yank him back until I realize where he is going.

I prop myself up on my elbows to look down on him, feeling completely wanton but still desirable and sexy, thanks to the way Edward looked up at me from between my thighs.

It's only a few minutes later that I fall back onto the mattress, so caught up in pleasure that I can't hold myself up anymore. I'm making noises I haven't made in years, possibly ever before.

"You taste so good," Edward whispers, and I nearly cry when I realize he's stopping. He laughs quietly, kissing his way back up my body until he reaches my lips. "I want to be inside you when I make you come, Bella."

"Condom." It's the first thing that pops into my head, and Edward and I both laugh again. It amazes me how fun this feels, and how different this is from any experience I've ever had with a man. "I want you, Edward."

He follows my direction and pulls a condom out of the drawer of the guest bathroom. I lie back on the bed again and watch him as he walks back into the room stark naked and rolls the condom on, confident and sexy. Unable to stop myself, I reach out and roll the rest on for him. He traps my hands in his when I am finished, kissing me passionately and letting his hands travel up my body once more, like he is trying to memorize me with his hands. Then they come up to cup my face tenderly as he looks deep into my eyes. It is so sensual and emotional that I almost want to look away. But I don't, and I am overwhelmed with what I see in Edward's eyes.

And when he finally slips inside of me, I allow myself to close my eyes and toss my head back. Every touch between us is electrifying, and the slapping sound of our skin and our heavy breathing fills the room.

"Does that feel good? Tell me what you need, Bella."

"This," I moan, "just like that."

I run my hands down and over his back and gently grab his ass to guide his hips, loving the feeling of his smooth skin. He follows my lead and his strokes are deeper, slower. It's like we're making love. He reaches back and pulls one of my hands off of him and guides it to where we are joined. I smile lazily as we both rub, and my back arches voluntarily.

"That feels so good, Edward. So good. I'm gonna come." I feel like I'm rambling, not making any sense, but I feel Edward smile against my neck where his head is buried, kissing languidly.

"Let go, Bella," he says gently, lifting his head and looking deep into my eyes before leaning forward and kissing me again with reverence. That does it, and I kiss him back as hard as I can as I completely lose myself in pleasure. Edward moans loudly as I make my own pleasure known, holding me tighter and moving faster and harder until he too loses himself.

After a few long moments of slow kissing and heavy breathing, Edward pulls out of me and gets up off the bed to dispose of the condom. I lie back comfortably and watch him walk away, enjoying the sight of the dimples on the small of his back and the smooth pale skin of his perfect ass.

He rejoins me in bed, and we both lie on our backs in silence. He brings his hand up to clasp mine, but I let it slip through my fingers and sit up, holding the sheet tightly around me. I suddenly don't feel so sexy anymore. I feel dirty. "You should get going," I whisper, staring straight ahead. "I'll call you a cab, if you'd like.

Edward sits up slowly, cautiously putting his hand on my back. His touch feels so good, so right, but I tense up against it. "Stop. Bella, stop…this wasn't just some one night stand-"

"I know. It's okay, Edward. I wanted to do this." I don't know why I'm trying to reassure him again, but it's the only thing I can think to do.

Sensing that he isn't going to get anywhere with me, he gets up and starts to redress. He doesn't look at me, but I watch him in silence.

Edward stands in the doorway, his shoes in his hands. "I love you, Bella. I've fallen in love with you."

…

 **I am so honored to be able to say that this story was nominated for 2015 TwiFic Fandom Awards for Undiscovered Gem. This is the first story I've ever written, and to have received such warm reception is amazing. Thank you, and please make sure to vote if you think this story is worthy.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Don't forget to vote in the 2015 TwiFic Fandom Awards! This story was nominated for Undiscovered Gem, which is amazing. Thank you!**

 **I hope you enjoyed the double chapters this week but it will be back to normal next week.**

…

 _127 days, continued_

"I love you, Bella. I've fallen in love with you."

The air hangs heavy with my silence, and tears begin to cloud my vision.

"You should go," I repeat, looking down at my lap. If I look up at Edward again, the tears will start to fall and I'll want to climb into his arms. "Edward, please. I can't do this right now. He just died…what is wrong with me?" The tears fall anyway, and in an instant Edward is back on the bed with me, holding me gently as I cry.

"There is nothing wrong with you, Bella. Everything about you-"

I pull away from his arms, struggling to keep the sheets wrapped around me. "You don't even _know_ me, Edward. You've wanted to sleep with me for years, by your own admission, but that doesn't mean you know me. Well, now you've finally got your wish. Ben is dead and you fucked me."

He stares at me for a minute, and I can tell he is at a loss for words. I start to redress, once again avoiding Edward's gaze. I know I shouldn't have said all of those things. I don't know why I was trying to hurt him.

"I know plenty. What do you think I was doing when I first came back to St. Louis? I've been getting to know you this entire time. Yes, I've been attracted to you all along. And yeah, sue me, but I'm _happy_ that Ben is dead. That asshole tortured me for years, and he did the same to you. He sent me naked fucking pictures of you, Bella, and told me all about how you were going to get an abortion because he never wanted kids. I don't know why I took it from him for all those years. I don't know why you did, either. But we're free now. Ben's dead, and he will never have control over either of us ever again." Edward is shouting now, he's eyes desperate. I'm more confused than ever before.

"Stop! Stop it, Edward. This is not what I want to fucking hear. We should not have done this. You need to leave. Now."

Suddenly he's gone, and I'm left all alone in the guest bedroom, half dressed and crying for the loss of my happiness and Edwards.

 _130 Days_

The service seems endless, and the smile on my face is frozen. I appreciate the condolences, and they mean the world to me, but this is not where I want to be. I feel like I don't deserve the outpouring of kindness and generosity that has come my way since Ben died and the obituary was sent out. I'm not the perfect wife everyone thinks I am. People have called me brave for getting through this, but they don't know the truth surrounding this whole ordeal.

And I hate the way people are portraying Ben now. They act like he was some kind of saint, like he deserved to be immortalized.

He doesn't.

Edward kept his distance last night at the visitation, accepting handshakes and condolences along with the rest of the family. He was careful to place Carlisle, Esme, and Alice between us. He hadn't given me more than a passing glance, and I don't blame him. Now we sit just a few seats away from each other, listening to the pastor speak and to Carlisle give the eulogy for his son. It is beautiful and heartfelt, and it makes me sick to my stomach. Carlisle and Esme have no idea about their son. To them, he was perfect. And I will never ruin that for them unless I absolutely have to.

The funeral drags on, and by the end, I am completely drained. I have already cried enough tears over the destruction of my marriage and the true character of my late husband. I bid polite goodbyes to my inlaws, pressing the urn containing Ben's ashes into Esme's arms.

As I leave, it occurs to me that I have no idea what I am going to do from here on out. It's a thought that should scare me, but for some reason, it just doesn't.

…

 **The lemon was supposed to be the mini chapter, but it got away from me a bit and therefore this chapter is the mini. I'll see you all next week!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Thanks for bearing with me. Miracle of miracles, this story made it into the second round of voting for the 2015 TwiFic Fandom Awards in the category "Undiscovered Gem Fic". Thank you so much for your support and your votes, if you would like.**

…

 _140 Days_

"Are you sure about this?" Alice stood in the front yard, gazing up at the house. "We don't want to put you out."

"I'm positive. With Jasper getting stationed at Scott Air Force base, it's perfect. I hope you guys will be happy here." I put my arm around my sister in law, looking up at the house as well. "You'll be newlyweds in less than a year, Ali. The last thing you'll need is to worry about living arrangements. It will make me so happy knowing that I could help you out like this."

Today, Alice and Jasper will be moving into the house. It happened very quickly, and the whole process has been rushed because of it, but it ended up being the perfect solution. Alice and Jasper will be completely moved in into the house in the next week, and I will be leaving for California.

I don't know what I want to do with my life, but I know that I need to get away from here so that I can figure it out.

…

"Bella, take a breather," Esme said soothingly, brushing my hair off of my sweaty forehead. "You're going to run yourself into the ground."

"I have so much to do," I said, shaking my head. "I want to have the house empty before Alice and Jasper start to move their stuff in."

"Darling, I'm worried about you. Have you seen Dr. Hunter lately? I just want to know that you're okay."

I smiled at my mother in law, knowing that she was hurting too, albeit in a different way. "I see her again two days before I leave. I'm okay, Esme, really. I think California will be good to me. I'm really looking forward to a fresh start. It'll be good for me."

"Well, I'm glad, but please make sure you come back to us. We'll miss you, dear. And we'll always be here for you."

I appreciated the gesture, so much, but I couldn't help but wonder if what Esme was saying was really true. Would Carlisle and Esme be so kind to me if they knew what I had done? I had been beating myself up since it happened, and I still haven't gotten together the courage to speak to Edward. My heart hurt so badly, not just because of Ben's death and the way he treated me, but for what I had done to Edward.

He had put his whole heart out on the line for me to let me know us sleeping together wasn't just a fling, and I had done nothing. I had forced him out of my house and said nothing about his declaration of love, barely even acknowledging it.

After a lot of struggling and a long talk with Dr. Hunter, I have come to some realizations about sleeping with Edward.

It wasn't right because of the timing. But as two consenting adults who did have feelings for each other…it wasn't so wrong.

…

 _200 Days_

Stan barked happily, running ahead of me into the apartment as I juggled with the mail and my bag of groceries. I flipped through the Chinese takeout menus, bills, and junk mail as I pulled the door shut behind me and tossed the groceries on the kitchen counter.

My apartment was small; even smaller than the dump Ben and I shared when we were first married. But it was home. I was doing things just for me, and I would be for the next five months, thanks to my savings. No work, just relaxation and figuring myself out. It felt good to be on my own- I hadn't been really alone since I was eighteen years old and had just started college. I would never get those years back, but I could try and learn how to be myself again. Not Ben's wife. Just Bella.

I continued to flip through the mail, but my heart hit the floor when I came to the last envelope in the stack. The neat, crisp handwriting wasn't familiar, but the return address was. I opened the envelope with shaking hands, pulling the single sheet of paper out and smoothing it over with my hand.

Somehow, I had never seen Edward's handwriting before. But it was sharp and masculine, just like him. I imagined him sitting at the desk in his apartment as he wrote to me, and the thought of him made my heart ache in ways I didn't even know were possible.

 _Dear Bella,_

 _I don't know if I'm out of line, reaching out to you like this. I won't be offended if you throw this letter away without reading it. And I know it's cheesy to be doing this, but I'm not sure how else to reach you because your cell phone is being forwarded to your office phone, and I didn't want to ask Alice._

 _I'm sorry for putting you on the spot like that. What I said was true, but I don't think I said it to you in the right way. You didn't deserve hearing it like that, when I could tell that you were upset and the situation was already confusing. I should have waited, taken you out to dinner, and gotten to know you better before telling you that I love you._

 _But in spite of that, I don't take it back. I do love you, Bella. I know I don't know everything about you, but I'm willing to take the time to figure it out. I'm going to give you your space, but I want you to know that I am going to fight for you._

 _Enjoy California. I'll meet you in St. Louis, in two hundred and twelve days._

 _Edward._

…


	18. Chapter 18

**Thanks for continuing to bear with me. I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I unfortunately worked for most of the week, including the day of. Now I've got two weeks left of school this semester, then I start winter term a few days after that. It's crazy! But, I want all my beautiful readers to know that I care about this story very much (it's my baby) and I will update as often as I can.**

 **By the way, 212 days is the day of Alice's wedding, since many of you asked!**

 **This chapter is short, but I will update again this weekend.**

…

 _204 Days_

I sat on the porch swing for hours, a notebook in my hands and Stan curled up at my side. There were so many things I would like to say to Edward, but I had no idea how to put it onto paper. And if I did get the words down, I knew that I would nitpick for ages, and maybe not even be able to work up the courage to send a letter to Edward.

So I wrote the words that truly came from the heart.

 _Dear Edward,_

 _Come to California._

 _All my love,_

 _Bella_

…

"Are you excited to see Edward, Bella?" Dr. Richards, the psychiatrist Dr. Hunter had suggested when I announced my move to California, looked at me questioningly.

"Yes, I'm excited. I'm also scared…well, maybe nervous is a better word," I said honestly. "There are so many thoughts racing around my head, and so many things I want to say, that I can't even plan out what I'll do or say when I finally see him."

Dr. Richards nodded, tapping her pen on the edge of her desk. "What's the first thing that honestly comes to mind? When you think about him arriving at your door, what is the only thing you can think of?"

"I love him," I said simply, wiping away the unexpected tears that came to my eyes. "I felt like falling for him was so wrong because Ben. I still feel like we didn't do things the right way. Falling into bed together right after Ben died was callous. Ben being an abusive and manipulative husband and brother doesn't change that, but honestly it makes me feel a little more justified. It's just that every part of me wishes this had happened differently, that us being together didn't have to be tied up in Ben dying."

Now that I was finally expressing my feelings, it was like a tidal wave.

"Then, of course, there's always the possibility that he doesn't come. Maybe he wants the space. Maybe he's deadest on us not seeing each other until Alice's wedding."

…

 _215 Days_

Eleven days since I had mailed my letter and no word from Edward.

I'm not sure what I'm expecting, but the lack of contact might be worse than the feeling that he might reject me.

I had to remind myself of the beautiful things Edward had said to me, the things they had written, and all those long conversations we had shared before everything had exploded. One of the worst parts was the fact that our relationship had to be tied in with everything that had happened with Ben.

…

 _221 Days_

I was getting more and more nervous by the day, and I was running out of things that I could distract myself with. My apartment was sparkling clean, I took Stan for more walks than the door dog had ever been on, and I had tried picking up hobby after hobby. Nothing could hold my interest anymore.

 _223 Days_

Not even hearing a knock at the door gave me hope at that point. I was sick of waiting.

But today was different. I looked through the peephole, and it was like I had been electrocuted. For years, green eyes at my door had meant Ben. But today, it was Edward at my door, and my heart swelled with the knowledge of what this meant. Edward was here. He had come to California. To be with me; even after I had potentially ruined everything the night of Ben's death.

I had the door open in an instant, and I threw myself into Edward's arms. They came up around me and squeezed tightly, and the intoxicating, familiar smell of him enveloped me.

We stood there for what seemed like hours but still wasn't long enough. I could stay here just like this for the rest of my life. Eventually, I knew we had to part so that I could finally say what had been on my mind. I finally pulled away, but held onto both of his hands tightly so that I didn't have to let him go now that he was here.

"I love you too, Edward," I cried, smiling through the couple of happy tears that rolled down my cheeks. "I'm so sorry for the way I acted. I love you."

"I don't care, Bella," Edward said, and my heart dropped.

"Wait, what…"

He silenced me with a kiss. "I don't care how you acted. We didn't do things the right way, I know that. I forgive you for whatever you feel that you did wrong. I just want to be with you. Because I love you."

…


	19. Chapter 19

**Sorry, guys, I still failed at explaining the two hundred and twelve days thing. He said that on day 200. Alice's wedding will fall on day four hundred and twelve.**

 **This is part two of last week's chapter. I'll be back with the regular weekly chapter Wednesday or Thursday.**

…

 _223 Days, Continued_

"What took you so long?" It felt wrong to break our kiss, but I had to talk to him. I had missed him too much to not be able to have a conversation with him. "You drove me crazy." I started to pull him through the doorway of my tiny little townhouse apartment. It was probably a shack compared to what he was used to, but I didn't care, and I knew he would be happy to share any place with me. It was one of the things I've realized I love about him.

"Taste of your own medicine, huh?" Edward's tone was playful, but I still winced slightly at the words. It was the truth, and I was still unbelievably sorry for the way that I had treated Edward when he told me he loved me. I started to apologize, but Edward quickly shook his head. "Don't. That's done, Bella. We can't dwell on that anymore okay? I was joking, but I shouldn't have brought it up." He smiled, lifting his hand up to cup my cheek. I melted into him, feeling mushy and cheesy- full of the type of love I had never before known. "Forgive me?"

I smiled back, unable to contain my happiness any further for another second. "Only if you'll forgive me," I said teasingly. "And now, let's really be done with it. We've learned from it, and we have the rest of our lives to show each other that."

"I love the sound of that," Edward murmured, turning his hand to brush his knuckles against my jaw. "Now, I'm dying for a shower…do you mind?"

"No, of course not!" I turned to my hostess mode, pointing out the small bathroom and showing Edward where I kept the towels and how to work the faucet. With one more kiss and a teasing invitation to join him in the shower, Edward softly shut the door to the bathroom and I was left alone in the hallway.

I busied myself by pulling his suitcase out of the living room and into my bedroom, and then quickly unpacking what he had brought. I loved the sight of his clothes hanging up with mine, and I couldn't wait for the day that this setup would be permanent. It warmed my heart to think about our future together, about the kind of couple we would be. It was scary, but with a partner like Edward, I knew that I would never be alone. I'll be the first to admit that I am still confused about Ben and our relationship, especially with the difficult way it ended. I will have many things to work through with Dr. Richards, and some mental obstacles to overcome, but a future with Edward was all the motivation I real need.

"Going through my things?" Edward's voice startled me enough to make me jump, but I was quickly soothed when I turned my head to see him standing in my bedroom doorway with nothing but a towel around his waist. He saw where I was looking and winked cheekily, shaking his head at me. "I'm sorry; I didn't grab any clean clothes out of my bag." He sidled up behind me, wrapping his arms behind me. "You didn't have to unpack for me, but thank you."

"You're welcome," I said, tilting my head up to place a kiss on his jaw. "I'll let you get dressed, and then you can join me in the kitchen."

I left him to change, even though I was so sorely tempted to pull that towel away and have my way with him. But I knew better. Falling into bed together wasn't something I necessarily regretted, but I knew that it had prevented us from talking and putting things out on the table that needed to be. Now was our chance to catch up, and I wouldn't take that for granted.

…

"I honestly wasn't expecting much when I sent you that letter," Edward admitted, taking a sip of the glass of water I had offered him. "I just felt like there were things I had to say to you, even if you didn't feel the same way. This was much more than I had hoped for, and even though I was prepared to wait until Alice's wedding, I'm…I'm _ecstatic_ that it happened like this instead."

"I was surprised when I got the letter, considering the way I had acted. And my reply to you was truthfully what my heart was saying, and the first thing that came to my mind. I knew I had to have to here. I would have waited for Ali's wedding, too. I would have waited years for you. But I needed you and I am deliriously happy that you're here with me now. I'm never going to let you go," I vowed, feeling myself get a little choked up. "I won't throw this away again."

Before I could wipe my own tears away, Edward had come over to kneel down in front me and gently wiped away my tears with the pad of his thumb. "I know, Bella. I know."

…

 **I also want to take the time to say thank you to the wonderful people who put the TwiFic Fandom Awards together, and to all the people who voted this story as one of their Favorite Undiscovered Gems. It came in second! That is so amazing, and I can't believe my first story is getting so much love and attention. I love you all!**


	20. Chapter 20

**So…long time no see, huh? I'd like to apologize a million times but that would get quite redundant so I'll just say it once more. I love each and every one of you who faithfully read and review this story, and I wish I could devote more time to it. Because of my insane schedule, I won't be able to stick to a set updating schedule. I know that sucks but content will be better if I don't have to sit and force myself to crank out chapters when I really don't have the time. Thank you for being so understanding! There's another little A/N at the bottom if I haven't bored you to tears already.**

…

 _226 Days_

The past few days have flown by in a blur. Having Edward here, in California, was nothing short of amazing. The fact that this was the first time we could really be together obviously didn't escape me, and I was clinging onto every moment. Before, I had been a wife, and Edward had been the black sheep of the family. Now, we were finally free and I didn't have to feel guilty about the way Edward made me feel.

It was still extremely strange to me, to be moving on from my husband so quickly, and with his half-brother of all people. But I had found my peace with it, because Edward simply made me happy. He loved me, and he made me love myself more, too. It was a beautiful thing, and I finally realized that this is the way love is supposed to be. I never had this kind of love with Ben, and maybe that's why I'm so ready to leave him in my past and focus on my future with Edward.

Plans are tentative, but we are slowly putting together a picture of what our future will look like.

Before coming to California, Edward explained that he had taken the time to put his affairs in order so that these six months we will spend here together will be uninterrupted. He had taken a leave of absence from work, entrusting his clients to his other colleagues and agreeing to check in with the office once a month or so. The most difficult part, he said, was trying to explain to his parents and Alice without telling the whole truth.

As much as I love Esme, Carlisle, and Alice, I fear what they will think of me when they learn that I fell into Edward's arms while my husband was still struggling for life in a coma. I have made the decision to never tell Esme and Carlisle the truth about my relationship with their son, because I know that it will only hurt them. Ben had always been their golden child, and even though he didn't deserve to be so revered, I refuse to tarnish their memory of their son. Losing a child is hard enough, and I don't want to see this family go through any more unnecessary pain. Edward is the only person, besides mental health professionals, that I will ever confide in about Ben and our marriage.

So, Edward told his family that he came to California to help me while I start my life over. I don't know if they even believe this story, but we have agreed to leave it at that. We'll have to face the truth when we return to St. Louis, but for now, we are living happily in our private little world.

…

"Whatever you decide will be gorgeous, Alice. Don't worry about what I think- it's your wedding!" I sat at my kitchen table with my laptop open in front of me, deep into a wedding plan skype session with Alice.

"I just wish you were here!" Alice exclaimed, pouting over the camera. "I know I just need to make a decision…but I have no idea. Just tell me which one is your favorite. Please. I can't make this decision. And besides, you're the one who has to wear the dress!"

I pursed my lips, flipping through the pictures of bridesmaid's dresses that Alice had emailed to me, along with the fabric swatches that had been delivered to the townhouse a few days ago. "Well, honestly, my favorite is the floor length with the lace overlay on top and the short sleeves," I said, holding the print out picture up to my laptop camera. "It's formal without being too stuffy or matronly. But it's your wedding, hon. I'll happily wear whatever you want me to."

"Don't be silly- like I said, you're the one wearing the dress. And I obviously already like all of the ones I sent you pictures of, so don't worry about that. I just had so many options, I couldn't decide! Now, what do you think about color?"

Our conversation went on for another fifteen minutes, and we finally decided on a simple blush color. Being away from Alice as she planned her wedding was difficult, but the man waiting for me in the living room was worth it.

"How was the wedding talk?" Edward asked, pulling me into his lap as soon as I made my way over to him.

I laughed as he nuzzled my neck, loving how happy I felt in such a simple moment. "It was long," I said honestly. "But I'm glad I can still help her plan."

"I know you are. I'm glad for you." Edward shifted, pulling me closer on his lap. "So, while we're talking about the wedding…"

I groaned, shaking my head. "This is going to be so hard. I still don't know what we should say to them. I don't want them to hate us."

"Don't think like that, Bella. My parents love you. This is strange, but I think they want you to be happy."

"They want you to be happy, too," I reminded him, running my finger along his jaw and loving the way my touch made him shiver with pleasure. "Don't forget that." Edward rolled his eyes, but I was serious. "Stop. They love you, Edward."

"I know," he said, shaking his head. "I know that. It's just hard. I can't figure out what we should do."

"We'll figure it out together," I promised, and we sealed it with a kiss.

…

 **I originally wanted to post a one-shot called "One Summer" back in December…but it ended up turning into a multi-chapter, and I think I should wait to get that going until I finish this up.**

 **Speaking of that, we're almost done with this story! Winding down, but I'll be so sad to see it go!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Thanks for everything, guys. Love you all.**

 **Took me forever to write this chapter, but I really love it. I hope you do, too. I'm bad with replying but I read and cherish every single review, so please drop one!**

…

 _270 Days_

"I want to take you on a date."

That got my attention, and I turned the television off. "Oh, really?", I asked, turning my body to face him.

Edward rolled his eyes, pulling me onto his lap in one sure motion. It seemed to be a habit of his, and I loved it. His arms were strong and safe, and I craved closeness. "Yes, really. I've been in California for what, five weeks? And we have yet to go on a date."

"We go out all the time," I argued, playing with the collar of his tee shirt.

"Yeah, but I've never actually gotten to plan a date for you. You whip out your Zagat every time we eat out, even if it's takeout. I want a date. You know, pick you up at the door, whisk you off to some surprise location…Why don't you want to go on date?" Edward pouted, but I just rolled my eyes and pinched his cheek.

"It's not that I don't want to go on a date. I just think it's unnecessary."

Then it was Edward's turn to roll his eyes. "I won't take no for an answer, Bella. You're my girl, and I'm going to take my girl on a date. Besides, if we never get to that alluring third date…"

"Oh my god, stop!" I exclaimed, feeling my cheeks redden, partially because of his swoon-worthy use of "my girl" and partially because of the reference to sex. It wasn't that I didn't want to have sex with Edward again, because I _really_ did, but I was having a hard time forgetting about my sex life with Ben. And it wasn't a good thing, because it has taken weeks of therapy to realize that sex with Ben had not been healthy. He had exploited me, not only with the pictures, but by making me believe that sex was always up to him.

"I'm kidding, Bell," Edward whispered, kissing my cheek softly. "I'll never pressure you, I promise. I love you too much."

"I know, and I love you, too." I kissed him back, on the lips this time. "You're not pressuring me. And you're not going to have to wait until the third date." With a wink, I got up off his lap and scooched back over to my side of the couch.

I flipped the television back on, a triumphant smile on my face as my words sunk in.

"Wait, are you-"

"I guess you'll have to plan that date and then you'll see."

...

 _281 Days_

"Come on, at least give me a hint!"

"Absolutely not," Edward shook his head.

I watched him as the mirror as he shaved, transfixed by the way his hands moved.

"Do you need the mirror?" He asked, gesturing to the tube of mascara I held in my hand. "I'll be done in a minute."

He finished up quickly, pressing a kiss to the corner of my mouth before vacating the bathroom and leaving me to continue prepping. I took my time applying my makeup and getting dressed, letting my mind wander as I tried to think about what Edward might have planned for this date. It seems so silly, especially because he's been in California for over a month, but the physical side of our relationship has hardly progressed. Of course, the fact that we were occupying such a small shared space also made it a little odd. But we were still savoring every moment of it, even though the sexual tension was off the charts.

…

"Dinner was delicious," I murmured, kissing Edward for what seemed like the fiftieth time in the last fifteen minutes. "Having drinks at the winery was amazing. And the dancing…I haven't been dancing in years. I can't believe you planned such an amazing first date."

"Well thank you. You deserve it, Bella. I'd do this and more for you every night, if you wanted," Edward said, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk and kissing me deeply. I giggled through it, making Edward stop. "What?" He asked, reaching up and rubbing his thumb along my bottom lip. I loved all this physical contact, because it felt like we always had to have a connection between us. It might seem clingy, but to me it's just romantic.

I shook my head, and it didn't escape my notice for a minute that I haven't been this happy in years. "We're never going to make it home if we keep stopping to tangle tongues. And while I absolutely, completely loved every minute of our date…you sure did come up with a lot of things to postpone sex."

Edward laughed boisterously, sweeping me off my feet and up into his arms suddenly. I yelped, but he silenced me with one more kiss before carrying me the rest of the way home.

…

"Are you sure?"

"For the millionth time, yes, I'm sure," I whispered, standing with him in the doorway of the bedroom we've been sharing. But tonight, it'll become different.

"Because last time-" Edward began, but I shook my head.

I pulled him towards the bed, looking deep into his beautiful eyes. They were the same as Ben's, but they held so much more compassion and love. I wasn't afraid anymore. "Last time was different. I love you, Edward. I'm not afraid anymore, and nothing is going to come between us."

"I love you so much." Edward gave up resisting, lying down on the bed and pulling me on top of him. I fumbled with his belt, suddenly drunk with desire. He finally took over, and I pulled my dress off over my head as he stripped. Before I could disrobe entirely, Edward's lips were on my skin, and his hands toyed with the hem of my lacey panties before slipped beneath them. I gasped, tossing my head back towards the ceiling. The firefly lights I had hung around the room were the only source of light, bathing the entire room in a beautiful haze that made it seem that much more sensual.

Unlike the last time, Edward pulled me on top of him. It took him no effort at all to manhandle me and get me where we wanted me. Knowing that Edward was big and strong, in every way, made him that much more irresistible. And while he was able to manhandle me in a way that I loved, him putting me on top also made me in charge. He reached for a condom, but I shook my head. "I trust you," I whispered, wanting to experience sex without barriers with the man I knew to be the love of my life.

Edward kissed me again, but slow and sweet this time.

But enough was enough, and I reached down between us and let him slip inside as his hands reached up and grabbed my hips tightly. He reached so deep inside me that it almost hurt, but the ache was delicious.

He groaned beneath me, his eyes screwed shut. I moved slowly at first, savoring every stroke and allowing my desire to build up steadily. After a few minutes, I pulled back, and Edward's eyes flew open again. "Come here," he whispered, rolling us over so that he was on top. He entered me again, still moving slowly and taking in every sweet moment. We were really making love this time, and the sensual closeness filled my heart in ways I didn't know were possible.

We kissed without wavering, our hips moved in tandem as we did. And when it was over, we held each other tightly. It was everything that we missed last time.

"I love you," Edward said again, brushing my hair back before placing a tender kiss on my forehead. "Everything before you was nothing. You're my whole world."

…

 **Bonus points if you noticed the "Friends" reference- I couldn't resist.**


	22. Chapter 22

**I feel so on top of my game this week! We'll see how long this lasts lol.**

 **Now that we've gotten things with Edward and Bella tied up in a nice little bow, things are going to be progressing a little more quickly. We only have a few chapters left. This story is my baby, and I could drag it on forever, but I won't do that. I have my new story in the works, and it is really demanding my attention. Typical second born child, am I right?**

 **Thanks for everything!**

…

 _315 Days_

"We have three months left. What in the world are we going to tell them?" I was still fretting about Alice's wedding, and the fact that we would have to face with Cheney's as a couple for the first time. "They're going to think we're disgusting. And scandalous. Esme hates scandal!"

Edward shook his head, slinging his arm around my shoulders. "Believe me, I know that my mother hates scandal. You should have seen her face when she found out that I…you know what, never mind." I rolled my eyes, kicking Edward's shin halfheartedly.

"Stop it! How many times have we had this discussion, Edward? I feel like it's all we fight about, but we have yet to come up with any answers. I'm seriously nervous about the confrontation. And I know you are, too, despite your failed attempts at humor."

"We're not fighting," Edward said with a frown. "We're just having a discussion."

"Well, with the way you're acting, I want to fight. You're not taking me seriously," I insisted, taking a step away from him. "I love you, but you're being impossible. We have to sit down and figure this out, I'm serious. I'm going to go insane worrying about it until we do."

"I'm sorry," Edward said earnestly, pulling me back towards him for a warm hug. "You're right. I'll get us some coffee and we can sit down right now and hash it out."

I smiled in spite of myself, loving the way Edward treated me. Even when I wanted to fight and argue, he was his same levelheaded self. "Thank you."

…

"Bella, I know that you're expecting the worst, but I honestly think it won't be that bad. I'm not trying to talk down to you or make your worries seem insignificant, either. I'm just being honest," Edward said, handing me a cup of coffee and taking a seat across from me at the table.

"I appreciate that, I really do," I insisted, gripping the coffee cup tightly. "But I would still feel about a hundred times better if we could go in there with a game plan. I don't want to make anything worse by blindsiding them."

Esme, Carlisle, and Alice had been nothing less than amazing to me in the last ten years. The last thing I want is for them to be upset with me. Even though my marriage had been nothing like I had pretended it was, the relationship I had built with my in laws was steady and strong. Esme could be trying at times, and Alice could be difficult…but all in all, they were the best second family I could have ever asked for. The family, including Edward, were the only good things that came out of me marrying Ben.

"Bella, they know that I'm here in California with you. Give them a little credit. I think they have figured out by now that something is up," Edward pointed out. "Granted, I don't think they know that I'm shacking up with you, but still. Why else would I come out here for months?"

"That's true," I said, relaxing only slightly. "It'll still be hard to come face to face with them and put it all out on the table. But I think we'll just have to be straightforward and honest with them from the start."

"Agreed. Why don't I talk to Mom and Carlisle first? It might help them understand it a little better if they hear things from my point of view for once."

I knew I was overreacting slightly, but I wasn't sure about that idea and what it entailed, so I told him so. "I don't want you to blindside them and then badmouth Ben. I still don't think they need to know all the sordid details. Alice already knows a little, but your parents don't need to know. They're having a hard enough time as it is."

"Why do you insist on defending him?" Edward asked bluntly, not looking up from his cup of coffee. "You know what he did to you, to us both, was terrible. Why let Mom and Carlisle keep on believing his was perfect? That asshole did a lot of damage, and I don't understand why you're trying to protect him."

I stared at Edward for a long moment, a little hurt. "It's not like that," I said quietly. "It's taken a lot of therapy, but I know Ben was abusive. However, I don't feel the need to rehash it and live out that whole terrible experience again just to prove a point to your parents. He had them fooled, okay? Just like he had me and pretty much the rest of the world fooled. And now that he's dead, he's like a saint to Carlisle Esme. Why should I tear him down to them, when they're already struggling with his death?"

"Because he was a fucking asshole, and he's not a goddamn saint," Edward said angrily. The sudden outburst shouldn't have shocked me, given the context of the situation, but it did. Tears sprang to my eyes immediately, and Edward threw his hands up in the air. "I'm sorry!", he shouted, running his hands through his hair in frustration. "I feel really strongly about this, Bella. I don't know what else to say. I didn't mean to make you cry."

"I know," I murmured, wiping the few tears from my eyes and then reaching out for his hand. He accepted my gesturing, taking my hand in both of his and holding it close to his heart. "We have to fgure this out together," I reminded him, scooting closer so I could kiss him gently. "We're a team, remember?"

"I remember," Edward said, with a hint of a smile on his face. "I love you, Bella. I want to protect you even when you don't think you need it."

"I love you, too. And thank you for wanting to protect me, even though I promise it isn't necessary. You're here, that's all I need."

He leaned forward and kissed me again, lingering this time. "I'll take to Mom and Carlisle when we get back to St. Louis, and I won't say a word against Ben, even though I want to," he promised. "And then we'll go from there."

"Thank you," I whispered, kissing him hard and long. I was thanking him for the compromise, but also for the million other little things he did that made me so happy.

I was quickly learning that Edward and I were simply meant for each other. I had never been so happy in my life, and this relationship was a thousand times more amazing than the relationship I had fabricated in my head between Ben and I. This relationship was built of equals, with both of us giving and taking.

It was everything, and I couldn't imagine ever being any happier.

…


	23. Chapter 23

**Two chapters left after this one. So sad. On a brighter note, I have posted the first two chapters of my new story, One Summer! I really love the story, so if you're looking for something new to read, please go check it out! I have big plans for the characters. But, of course, Four Hundred & Twelve will always be my first baby and I will miss it dearly.**

 **I hope you enjoy the chapter! Let me know in a review, if you wouldn't mind leaving one.**

…

 _375 Days_

"Darling, it is so good to hear from you. We've missed you so much. Are you doing alright?" I haven't spoken to Esme much in the past several weeks because I have been so nervous about telling the whole family the truth about me and Edward. However, the anticipation was eating me alive and I finally bit the bullet and called her.

"I know, I'm sorry we haven't talked much," I said honestly. "I'm fine. What about all of you? Are you excited for the wedding?"

I use the momentary distraction to try and calm myself down, but it doesn't seem to work. I don't want to get into specifics with her now, over the phone, but I want the idea of Edward and I being together to be in her mind when we come back to St. Louis for Alice's wedding.

"I'm sure the wedding will be amazing. I'm so excited for Alice, and of course to see all of you again. You know, Edward is really looking forward to it, too," I said, starting to pace back and forth around the bedroom. I could see Edward sitting out in the living room with Stan, but I didn't want to go out and join him. It would probably just make me more nervous.

"Oh? Well that's very nice to hear. We're so happy that Edward will be there with us at the wedding. It makes losing Ben a little less hard to know that Edward is going to be around more. I've missed him, and this hardship has shown me how important family really is. I won't let Edward slip out of our lives again."

The mention of Ben makes me cringe a little, but I ignore it. Hearing Esme speak positively about Edward gave me some more courage, and I pushed a little harder. "Well, having him here in California has been so helpful, Esme, really. I was struggling before, of course, but becoming close with him as helped make me a lot happier.

Esme was quiet for a long moment, and I held my breath until she spoke again. "I'm glad to hear that you're happy, Bella. That's all Carlisle and I want. For both of you."

Happy tears sprung to my eyes, and I knew instantly that this would all be fine. "That means so much to us, Esme. You have no idea."

"We love you," Esme said, and I thought that I could hear her tearing up a little as well. "Of course, there are some things we should discuss, but I'm not in any position to judge, especially two people that I love so much. I met Carlisle very shortly after Edward Sr. died, you know. Circumstances were very different, but things happen when you least expect them to."

…..

"She sounded so understanding, Edward. It was almost too good to be true." I was pacing again, but this time, I was in the living room in front of Edward. I had just hung up the phone with Esme a few minutes ago, and I quickly told Edward actually what his mother had said.

"I told you it would be fine, Bella," Edward said, pulling me into his arms and kissing me gently. "I'll admit, it sounds like she took it better than I thought, but I knew she would be fine. She loves both of us, even if she hasn't always been the best at showing it."

I ran my fingers through his hair, unable to stop smiling. "I know! I know. I just had it built up in my head as some huge, terrible, thing. But really…us being together is such a happy thing. They might not understand because they have no idea how Ben treated us, but two people they love, falling in love, has to be happy."

"I like the way you think," Edward said, kissing me again. "This relationship _is_ a happy one, Bella. And it's going to stay that way, because I will never let this happiness go away."

…

 _400 Days_

"The lease here is up in four weeks," I said, flipping through the mail as I drank my afternoon coffee. "Have we even decided that we're going to do?"

Edward shrugged his shoulders, sipping on his own coffee. "Well, I do need to get back to work sooner rather than later, but if you want to stay in California a little longer, I could always make plans to go back and forth from California to St. Louis and work for a few weeks. You know, something like three days here, four days there. It would just on a temporary basis, of course, until you're ready to move back."

He said it so nonchalantly, but it shocked me. In a very good way. "You would do that for me? Live out of a suitcase for weeks? Fly halfway across the country twice a week?"

"I would do anything for you, Bella," Edward said quietly, kissing my forehead. "I wish you would get that through your head."

"I'm not used to it," I admitted. "And I love it. But Edward, I don't want you doing that. It's so amazing of you to even offer, but I want to finally start our life together, for real. This has been wonderful, having you here like this, but we need to get back to the real world. Work, family…I feel like it's all been waiting for me, and I need to get back to it."

"Well, I would be happy to do it if you change your mind. But you're right; we do need to start our real life together. This is almost like playing house."

Edward got up from the table and cleared our coffee cups, and I went back to sorting through the mail. "Where will we live, though?" Edward asked, looking over his shoulder at me. "No offense, but I don't think I'm going to want to go back to that house."

"Me, either," I echoed, shaking my head. "Alice and Jasper can keep renting it from me or even buy it, but I don't want to be there. It's too much. If they don't want it, then I'll put it on the market."

Edward came up behind me and rubbed my shoulders, kissing the top of my head as he did so. "That means we'll have to find a place for ourselves."

"Big step," I noted. "But one I can't wait for. I want to build a home with you, Edward. And a whole life."

…


	24. Chapter 24

**I owe all of you, more than you know. Thanks, as always!**

 **One more chapter to go…this sad little countdown is depressing, but I will use this opportunity to push my new story "One Summer" on you! It's got two chapters so far, and I hope you go check it out and love it as much as I do.**

…

 _411 Days_

Alice nearly knocked me over the second we stepped foot into the baggage claim area. "I have missed you _so much_!"

Edward reached out and shook Jasper's hand as Alice and I embraced, and then pulled his sister into his arms as soon as I let her go. "I'm missed you too, big brother. It's so good to see you," Alice exclaimed. They hugged for a long moment, finally parting a few seconds later and then turned to look at me. "So, is there something you guys want to tell me?" She asked, and it was obvious that she knew. However, the huge smile on her face told me that she was happy, reassuring me.

"We don't want to make a big deal out of it," I said, looking over at Edward. I was unable to contain my smile, but I managed to fight the urge to take his hand in mine.

"Don't worry about it, Bella. I love you both. I definitely need some details, but…I'm happy if you're happy." Alice had a more serious look on her face now, but there was still a twinkle in her eye."

"We're very happy," Edward said, smiling at me like I was his whole world.

…

"It's so weird to be back," I said, looking out the window of our hotel room. Alice and Jasper were getting married at the Ritz-Carlton, so Edward and I were staying here for the next three nights before our rental apartment in Forrest Park will be ready for us. Moving into an apartment together and starting up our lives again was exciting, but this weekend, I was trying to keep it all about Alice and Jasper.

"I know," Edward said as he busied himself unpacking our suitcases. "Exciting though."

"I can't wait for the wedding," I said, helping him hang up a few of his dress shirts. "Alice and Jasper are so perfect for each other, and even though I feel bad that I haven't been around to help plan, I can't wait to be a part of their day."

We went on unpacking for a few more minutes. The silence was comfortable, and we moved around each other in such a fluid way that it was like we'd been doing it for decades.

"We have to be at lunch with your parents in a half hour," I said around eleven thirty. "Are you ready?"

Edward nodded, smoothing down the front his suit jacket. "What about you?" He asked, taking my hands in his. "Don't be nervous, please."

"Easier said than done," I retorted with a snort. "I'm terrified."

"I'm here," Edward promised. "I won't let them do or say anything that will hurt you."

"I'm more worried about you," I said honestly, squeezing his hands tighter. "I don't want them to act like you swooped in and stole your brother's wife…I don't want them to hold Ben over your head."

Edward shook his head, dropping my hands and pulling my whole body into his arms instead. "Don't worry about me."

Then, in that moment, I realized that I had been very unfair to the man that I love. I have been so concerned about not tarnishing Ben's name to his parents that I might have put Edward in the crossfires, instead. I knew that Esme and Carlisle saw the troubled relationship between Edward and Ben as boyish competition, but that couldn't continue. It made Edward seem childish and immature, instead of the responsible, steadfast, loving man he really was.

I would do what I had to in order to protect him from Ben now.

…

Esme and Carlisle greeted us outside of the restaurant with love and enthusiasm, hugging and smiling at us both. We made our way into the restaurant, and I had to resist the urge to grab Edward's hand again, just like in the airport. Not having physical contact with him in moments like this was hard, harder than I could even put into words.

"So, how was California?" Esme wasted no time as the four of us sat down at our table. Our waiter poured our mimosas as Edward and I both looked at each other and hesitated, not sure who should speak first.

"It was wonderful," I finally said, taking a quick drink. "A much needed relaxing break."

Edward nodded, smiling at his mother. "California is beautiful."

Carlisle looked between the two of us, a little perturbed but not angrily. "We're assuming that…well, that you two have become an item. I won't lie, it surprised us quite a bit. However, Bella, we know that you've gone through a very hard time. And we would rather you two both be happy than anything else. We just don't understand, I suppose."

"It would help if you could explain things a bit," Esme interjected. "Edward, we love you, but it is a little odd that you are with your brother's wife so soon after his death. Please don't take this the wrong way, because we aren't trying to be rude. Like Carlisle said, it's just that we don't understand."

"So, Edward, explain it to us," Carlisle said, and they both turned to look at Edward.

"No," I said loudly, drawing their attention back to me. "I think I'm the one that needs to do the explaining."

"Bella, don't." Edward tried to interrupt, but I shook my head.

"Please. Just listen to me. Promise?" All three of them agreed, and I took a deep breath before continuing. "My marriage was over before Ben got sick. I don't want to get into specific details, but it was not a healthy relationship. I'm not trying to badmouth Ben, because I think I really did love him. But things between us were not right. I didn't even realize it myself until…well, until Edward came back to St. Louis." I paused for a moment, letting the news sink it. They both looked shocked, but neither said anything, so I continued. "Our marriage was not healthy, but I will never regret it because it brought all of you into my life. I am so genuinely sorry for your loss, because Ben loved you and I know you loved him. But he was not a good husband to me, or a good brother to Edward."

"I think that's-" Carlisle began to interject, but Edward cut him off.

"Carlisle, let her finish. Please."

I smiled weakly at Edward, then continued. "I pretended for years that my marriage was a happy one. I was deluding myself. I'm sorry to be so negative, but I'm trying to be honest. I fell in love with Edward, and we're both very happy. I hope you can continue to be happy for us, even if you don't understand. However, we don't feel that we need to explain everything to you. We are lucky to have found each other, and I won't apologize for how it happened."

"Neither will I," Edward echoed, finally grabbing my hand. We smiled nervously at Carlisle and Esme, who stared back at us in shock for a little while longer before Esme finally spoke up.

"We're not asking you to apologize," she said slowly.

"We can't pretend that this is not strange to us," Carlisle said, looking between the two of us. "And I'm not sure I understand what you mean, Bella, when you say that your marriage was over before Ben's stroke. Ben adored you-"

"He exploited me, Carlisle. I'm sorry, because I hate to talk about your son like this in front of you. I know that you and Esme love him very much, and miss him terribly. But he manipulated me and was emotionally abusive. It took months of counselling for me to come to terms with this, so I don't except you two to understand. But it's the truth. I hope you know that I would never lie to you, especially not about something like this."

"We know that, Bella, it's just…" Esme trailed off, wiping at her eyes. "I'm sorry. To both of you. I'm so sorry."

"Mom…"Edward reached across the table and took her hand, wiping at his own eyes. "It's not your fault, mom. He was your son. You've always been a wonderful mother, but you never want to see the bad in people, especially Ben. He knew that."

Carlisle put his arm around his wife, nodding stoically. He didn't speak much for the rest of our meal, but he hugged us both tightly before he and Esme left the restaurant.

It was enough.

…

 **Thank you, as always, for reading and please review, if you wouldn't mind. I try and reply but I fail pretty spectacularly. However, if you have a burning question, you have a much better shot at reaching me through a private message or on my facebook page, Cynosure Fanfic.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Well, folks, this is the end. Thank you so much for sticking with me through this ride. I've loved every minute of it, and I love all of you. Thank you especially to Fran for putting this story on the map. You're amazing.**

…

 _412 Days_

"Could it be possible that everything has fallen into place?" I looked up at Edward, whose eyes were focused on his sister and Jasper dancing together for the first time as husband and wife.

There was a curve of a smile on his face, and he looked down at me with more adoration and love in his eyes than I could even fathom existed. I knew that there was no way two people could love each other more, or as much as we did. It was the kind of love that filled you up inside and made you feel complete. And somehow I was lucky enough to experience it with Edward.

"Very possible," he murmured, kissing me softly. "Because it really has."

The DJ called for couples to join Alice and Jasper on the dance floor, and Edward pulled me into his arms. We slow danced for several songs, and even though it was cheesy, I found myself feeling like this was what love is supposed to be.

…

"It's so pretty out here," I said, looking around the small garden area. "I'm surprised they didn't use it." We strolled around, hand in hand, enjoying the warm breeze and the sound of music drifting out from inside. It was a beautiful night.

"Too small, I guess," Edward said, looking around as well. "It really is beautiful though."

We arrived at a wooden bench, and as I sat down I was surprised that he wasn't sitting down with me. "What're you doing?" I asked with a laugh, looking up at him with a smile. "Sit with me."

"Bella."

My hands were still in his, and he squeezed them tightly before dropping down on one knee.

"Oh my god," I said, staring at him in shock. "Edward…"

"Bella, this wasn't exactly how or when I planned on doing this, but looking at you tonight, looking so beautiful, I can't think of a better moment. I love you. I have thought you were the most beautiful woman alive since the moment I first saw you. And now that I have gotten to know your soul and your heart, I know that you are even more beautiful on the inside than you are on the outside. And by some miracle, you've given me all your love freely. I know the way we started our relationship was unconventional, and that we've had our share of struggle. But I love you more than I even knew I could be capable of loving another person. You have made me a new man, a better man. And I will spend every day of the rest of our lives showing you how much I love and cherish you. Will you-"

"Yes," I blurted out, tears streaming down my face.

He looked up at me with surprise, but also happiness. "I didn't finish-"

"Yes," I said again, grabbing his face between my hands and pulling him in for a long, romantic kiss.

"I don't have a ring yet," Edward said, pulling away. "We can go together, and you can get whatever ring you want. Anything you want. I'm sorry for doing this at Alice's wedding but…when you know, you know. The moment seemed right."

I nodded, wiping at my face to try and preserve my makeup. "You're right, it was perfect. Thank you for saying all those beautiful things, Edward. I love you. I'm so lucky to have you."

"I'm the lucky one."

…

 _15 Days Engaged_

"Please don't be mad."

"Mad?! I'm only mad because you waited this long to tell me!" Alice squealed, jumping up and down and hugging me.

"We didn't want to upstage your wedding," I said, laughing as Alice grabbed my hand to look at my brand new engagement ring. It was beautiful and simple, made even more beautiful because Edward and I had picked it out together. "And, well, I was nervous to tell you because of…well, because of Ben."

Alice nodded, her face suddenly much more solemn. "I know. It's really okay, Bella. I'm not going to lie and say it isn't unconventional, but I just want you and Edward to be happy. I know that I don't know the full extent of what happened between my brothers, or what your marriage was really like. But I trust you. You're my best friend, and if you're happy, then I am happy for you."

"Thank you so much, Alice," I said, pulling her in for another hug. "You have no idea how much that means to me."

…

 _128 Days Engaged_

"I can't believe how crazy this has gotten," I said dejectedly, looking at the mounds of magazines and papers sitting in front of me. "I thought we wanted a small wedding."

"We do," Edward said, coming up behind me and resting his chin on top of my head. "What is all of this?"

I sighed, flipping through some of the papers. "Apparently, this is what it takes to plan a wedding these days. Your mother invited more people than the two of us combined, and Alice still won't commit to being in the wedding because she's afraid she'll be fat from leftover baby weight. Your work schedule is insane, and one of your business associates has insane, severe food allergies that have to be taken into consideration when we develop the menu. I haven't been able to nail down a date with the caterers or the florist to talk about-"

"Whoa, whoa, hold it." Edward took a seat at the table, looking at the mounds of wedding planning in disbelief. "This is insane."

"I know. And it's driving me up the wall. Our wedding is supposed to be the happiest day of our life, but at this point, I can't wait for it to be over."

Edward smiled weakly, running his hands through his hair. "Well, you know…there's always another option…"

…

 _160 Days Engaged_

"I can't believe we're doing this," I exclaimed, bouncing on my toes. "When we walk out of here, we'll be married. Isn't that crazy?"

Edward laughed, kissing me again. We hadn't been able to keep our hands off each other all day and even though it's nauseating, it's perfect. It is our wedding day, after all."

We looked at each other like idiots, with googly eyes and adoring smiles. After going crazy trying to plan a big wedding, we had decided that a simple courthouse marriage was much more suited to us. We just wanted a marriage, so the wedding itself didn't matter. I loved weddings, but I had come to realize that Edward and I are not wedding people. Nothing about us seemed conventional at first, but that was why we worked together.

"Edward, Bella!" We turned to see Alice running towards us, one hand cupped under her small baby bump and Jasper holding the other. Carlisle and Esme were a step behind them, also hand in hand.

"Hey, guys!" I hugged everyone, and Edward followed suit, even embracing his stepfather. After Carlisle and Esme found out about the engagement, they were definitely shocked. However, they both took the high road and used the opportunity to strengthen their relationship with Edward. I don't think things will ever be perfect, but they are much better than I thought. "Thank you so much for coming. We really appreciate it."

The day moved forward without a hitch, and Edward and I left the courthouse and returned to our house in St. Charles as husband and wife. We ate Chinese takeout out of the containers in front of the television and then made love well into the next morning.

I finally felt safe. I finally felt like this was it. Anything I had thought I knew about love and marriage was blown out the water when I experienced it with Edward. Nothing was perfect, but it was perfect for us.

…

 **Things have wrapped up so beautifully that there just isn't much else to say.**


	26. Chapter 26

**FUTURETAKE PART I**

 **Thank you for waiting for this futuretake so patiently. I'm happy that so many people were interested! I love these characters, and I know that many of you do, too, so I'm happy to share this with you and let you know what's happening for them.**

 **Thank you for all the love you have given me and this story. I'm still working on my story "One Summer", but I already have more plans after that is complete, so definitely stay tuned. Feel free to add me on facebook, as well, if you would like to be updated more. My profile is Cynosure Fanfic.**

…

 _204 Days Married_

"Do you really think so?" Edward's voice was hushed, like we were sharing a secret. I smiled at him, nearly dizzy with excitement.

"I really do," I said softly.

Without another word, he kissed me firmly and then ducked down to kiss my flat stomach. His hand rubbed gently, and I placed mine over his. I was only a few days late, but that was enough. We hadn't been using any birth control methods for the past several weeks, but we hadn't been actively trying, either. We felt that it would be too stressful, and that the strain of trying to have a baby would kill the romance.

I had gone out and bought a test on my way home from work, and when I told Edward that, he nearly jumped through the roof.

"What are you waiting for?" He asked incredulously, starting to pace. "Take it now! Wait, _can_ you take it now? Is it too soon?"

"I don't really know," I said honestly, unable to stop smiling at his reaction. "I bought an early response kind, though."

His reaction made me fall even more in love with him even more. Even though I hated to think about Ben- and I rarely did anyway anymore because I was so happy with Edward, I couldn't help but remember the first time this had happened. It was so different, and I was so thankful that this experience was now an extremely happy one.

I had married the man of my dreams, and now I might be pregnant with his baby. That was happy enough, but that I added in the fact that he was so elated about the possibility, and I was nearly weak at the knees.

"The test is in my purse," I said, grinning. "Let me get a drink of water first."

Edward agreed, and then insisted on coming into the bathroom with me while I took the test. I might have been embarrassed before, but I honestly wanted to share every part of this experience with him.

We sat on the floor and laughed together until it was ready, then looked at the result together.

"Positive," Edward whispered, kissing me on the lips. He was smiling through it, and tears of happiness streamed down my face. "I love you so much, Bella. I can't even tell you how happy I am. I can't process it. We're having a baby! I'm…I'm going to be-"

"A daddy," I finished for him, smiling with watery eyes.

"Hey," he whispered, wiping at my face. "Are you happy, Bella?"

I nodded, throwing my arms around him. "So happy," I whispered, closing my eyes and smiling even harder.

This was happening. I would no longer think about what Ben did to me when we had been in this position. My happiness in this moment would drown that out from now on, and I would be able to build so many more wonderful moments.

 _208 Days Married_

"Well, Mrs. Cullen, looks like you're a little over four weeks pregnant."

Edward let out of a laugh, turning to me with a huge smile on his face; even larger than the smile he had when I first told him I thought I might be pregnant, five days ago. "Four weeks," Edward breathed out, shaking his head. "That means we only have, what, thirty six weeks left?"

"A little less," the technician said with a smile. "Congratulations."

She left us alone, and Edward leaned down and gave me another kiss. "Wow," he said, shaking his head. "I still can't believe this. You're already one month down, without even knowing. Only eight months left. Eight months until we meet our baby, Bella."

I nodded, but I was so happy that I was crying again. Maybe it was the hormones, but I couldn't control my tears. However, I also couldn't contain my happiness, so I didn't think it was a bad thing.

 _Six Weeks Pregnant_

"When can we start telling people?" Edward asked, looking up from the pregnancy book he was reading.

He had his reading glasses on, and he was still wearing his work clothes. His sleeves were rolled up and his collar was loosened, so he looked more like my easygoing husband than a seasoned businessman. But add in the pregnancy book, and he was so adorable I wanted to melt.

"I don't know," I said honestly. "I think people usually wait until the second trimester."

"So twelve weeks," Edward said thoughtfully. "We'll wait twelve weeks, but I don't know how I'm going to do it."

I smiled, shaking my head. "I know. I'm so happy; I just want to shout it from the rooftops. It's going to be hard not to tell every single person I pass on the street, let alone our family and friends. God, can you imagine how your mother is going to react? I thought she would blow a gasket when Alice and Jasper had Oliver…I can't imagine how she'll act for her second grandbaby. It might kill her," I joked.

"You're right," Edward said with a small laugh. "We'll keep this wonderful news between us until the second trimester. We can just be happy about this together for now, and spend this time being thankful for each other and the baby we made together."

 _Twelve Weeks Pregnant_

"Bella's pregnant!"

We had barely gotten situated at the Cheney's dining room table for brunch before Edward announced our news, his smile wide and eyes excited. I just laughed and smiled, happy that he was so happy.

Esme just stared at him for a moment, and then her wide eyes shifted to me. She didn't even speak as she got up and immediately put her arms around me. She hugged me for a long moment, and then hugged her son tightly.

"Congratulations," Alice said, bouncing Oliver on her knee. "Wow! How exciting! How far along are you, Bella?"

Her questions opened the floodgate, and we spent the rest of brunch talking about due dates, maternity leave, baby names, nursery themes, and baby showers. I'm sure this announcement didn't come as a huge shock, given the whirlwind romance Edward and I had experienced and our ages, but I was happy that they seemed happy-shocked and not just shocked.

I still struggle to toe the line with Esme and Carlisle- the line between once being Ben's wife and now being Edward's. The line is very clear to me because of the huge difference in the way each had treated me. To Ben, I was an object to be manipulated and a gambling chip to throw in the ring. To Edward, I was a beloved wife and friend, and future mother to his children. But while the differences were glaring and obvious to me, it wasn't quite like that for Esme and Carlisle. I don't blame them, because it was ultimately my decision to not tell them the whole truth about Ben, but I can't really complain. All in all, they have been more than accommodating to me and Edward, and have welcomed us into their family as a couple.

Even Carlisle congratulated us again on our way out, and I smiled giddily at Edward as we settled into our car together.

"That went _very_ well," I said, pleased as punch.

"It did," Edward agreed, reaching over and taking my hand as he drove us towards home. "They're really making an effort, you know? Things aren't perfect…but I've never felt more like a member of that family than I do right now. And it's all thanks to you."

I shrugged it off, tangling his fingers with mine as our joined hands rested on my lap. "There was just one person too many in that family," I said stiffly, staring out towards the horizon.

Edward just kissed my knuckles, and that was the last time we ever spoke of Ben Cheney.

 _Twenty Weeks Pregnant_

"You're really not going to find out what you're having?" Angela, my co-worker, pressed her hands to my stomach as we sat alone in my office, eating our lunches. "I don't think I could do that!"

I laughed good naturedly, knowing that not everyone wanted to be surprised by the gender of their baby. But Edward and I did. "I'm having a baby," I joked with a laugh. "Gender doesn't matter, Angie. He or she will be perfect, and is already the biggest blessing. Everything else in our lives and in this pregnancy is basically planned exactly- we want this one surprise."

"I understand," Angela said. "That just wouldn't be the route I'd take, I don't think. I guess I won't know until I get down that road though, huh? What about names? Are you just picking one for each gender?"

"Yes. And no, before you even ask, we don't know yet. And we won't be sharing the names with anyone, either. It'll be another surprise."

Angela chattered on, and I listened as I sat with my hands folded across my belly. Many women experienced extreme weight gain and horrible side effects throughout pregnancy, but so far, I was in the clear. I knew those things could still hit, but I was at the halfway mark now and loving every second of being pregnant. It helped that Edward was so supportive and hands-on, though. He was there with me every step of the way, and I knew I was lucky.

 _Twenty Two Weeks Pregnant_

Edward flipped through the book, his eyebrows knitted together. "I never knew there were so many baby names, and how stressful it would be to pick ONE," he said fretfully, glancing at me over the rim of his reading glasses. "And some of these don't even sound like names," he added, shaking his head. I just _hmmed_ in agreement, because I was completely engrossed in my pregnancy book until he prodded me with his elbow. "C'mon, Bella. We said we would start looking at names this week, and you haven't even glanced at this book Alice gave us or any of the websites."

I sighed, placing a bookmark in my book and placing it on the nightstand. "I know. I'm sorry. I just get so wrapped up in the pregnancy books; I'm more worried about delivery horror stories than I am about names. But I'm ready, let's look at this together." I reached over and he handed me the baby name book, then put his arm around me and pulled me close so that we could look at it together.

"Girls name first or boys name?" Edward asked, and I shrugged. "Girls," he decided, and I agreed. We looked at the book in silence for a moment, skimming through names and looking for ones that caught our eye.

"Amelia," Edward said, pointing to it. "That's pretty. Classic."

I nodded, grabbing a highlighter from the nightstand and highlighting the name. "That way we'll be able to keep track," I said. "Audrey," I suggested, highlighting it as well.

We continued on girl names for a while, highlighting several. The ones that made our shortlist included Amelia, Audrey, Charlotte, Nora, Scarlett, and Vivienne. Boy names were narrowed down fairly quickly as well, with us highlighting names like Aiden, Finn, Leo, and Milo. Even after we were done talking about favorites, we continued to pour over the book, pointing out funny names or even possible middle names.

I was so glad that Edward and I could have fun like this. Even though I was the one who was pregnant and actually carrying our baby, I wanted Edward to have just as many experiences during this pregnancy as I did. The more we could share, the better it was.

…

 **And there's the end of Part I. Part II will be coming to you shortly; I'll announce on facebook, probably. Let me know what you're thinking for baby names! I'd love to have some opinions.**

 **Thank you!**


	27. Chapter 27

**Part II:**

 _30 Weeks_

I rubbed cocoa butter on my tummy in short, slow strokes, trying to cover the whole surface of my hugely expanded stomach. "I can't believe how big my belly is," I said, looking over at Edward. We were both sitting propped up in bed, him reading some files for work and me trying to prevent further stretch marks. It was a little routine that had started a few weeks ago, and now I look forward to this quiet time together.

"You still look perfect," Edward said lightly, looking up for a minute and smiling at me. "You make thirty weeks look pretty damn good, Bella."

"You're a little biased," I said, but leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "But thank you."

He reached over and laid his large hand over my stomach, waiting to feel a kick. Our baby was active, especially at night. I could hate that he or she wanted to play soccer at night when I was trying to sleep, but I was trying to look at the few negative aspects of my pregnancy with a positive outlook. At least the baby was healthy, even though I wasn't getting all the sleep I wanted. And my stretchmarks proved that the baby was growing nicely, so I tried not to mind.

"Down further," I said, putting my hand over Edward's and moving it lower on my abdomen.

The huge smile on Edward's face made me grin, and I looked down at him and my belly with joy.

"Hi, baby," Edward cooed, moving his hand slightly to keep up with the kicks. "We can't wait to meet you, but no rush. Keep cooking."

I laughed, smacking his arm gently. "I'm not _cooking_ our baby," I said. "But keep talking; it's the cutest thing I've ever seen."

He rolled his eyes on me, but continued talking to our baby. I eventually picked up one of my books while he continued, filling baby in on how we were decorating the nursery and what he had done that day at work. He continued until I turned off the lamp on my nightstand, and then he put his arms around my shoulder.

"I love you, Bella," Edward said, kissing me on my lips. "And I love you, baby," he added, patting my tummy one more time.

I just smiled and returned the sentiment, thinking about how I was probably the luckiest woman alive.

 _37 Weeks_

"It's finished, mom. We don't need anything else," Edward said as we stood in the doorway of the nursery with Esme. She continuously came over to check on me, which I really did appreciate, but she also wanted to buy endless things for the upcoming Baby Cullen, and it was unnecessary.

"You can never have too many things for a baby, Edward," Esme said, shaking her head.

I just shrugged my shoulders at Edward behind Esme's back, and he rolled his eyes.

"Well, I think we're getting pretty close to that. Come on, let's go downstairs. Bella made some amazing muffins earlier, you should try them."

Esme finally agreed to leave the nursery and head downstairs, where Edward served all of us some of the muffins I had made this morning. My maternity leave had officially started a week ago, and I was already getting a little bored, hence the baking. I loved my work, and even though they had been more than supportive, I had really been struggling with the long hours. But I still missed it, and I was going a little crazy just waiting for the baby to be born.

"I saw the most adorable little shirt and tie at Barney's the other day," Esme was saying, looking between Edward and me. "So… should I buy it? Or should I be looking at little dresses, instead."

Edward and I shared another look, and I spoke up. "We really don't know, Esme," I said, probably for the millionth time. She just couldn't wrap her head around the fact that we hadn't found out the sex of our baby, and sometimes chose to believe that we did know, but were refusing to tell her.

"It's the twenty first century; why not find out the gender?" Esme asked, shaking her head. "You're putting a damper on my shopping, you know."

"Your credit card, and Carlisle, will probably thank us for that," Edward teased. "We want to be surprised, mom. It's exciting. The nursery is gender neutral, and there are plenty of newborn clothes that will work for a boy or a girl, too. When the baby is born, then you can go buy whatever clothes you deem necessary for a girl or a boy. But really, mom, you don't have to. We're more than capable of getting him or her clothes."

"But I want too," Esme said. "It's my grandbaby; I want to buy things for him or her, and baby clothes are one of my many weaknesses."

I laughed at that, understanding what she meant. I had spent hours in baby clothes stores, much to Edward's dismay, totally enchanted by tiny baby socks and adorable little clothes.

This baby was going to be very spoiled, not just by Edward and me, but by everyone else in our circle.

 _39 Weeks_

"How far apart are the contractions?"

I could hear Alice over speakerphone, and Edward looked at me anxiously as he replied to her. "Seven minutes," he said. "But her water hasn't broken yet."

I closed my eyes as I paced back and forth in our entry way, trying to speed things up a little bit.

"Well, want until either her water breaks or the contractions are closer apart," Alice said. "Just let me know when you leave for the hospital. Tell Bella good luck for us!"

Edward hung up the phone, and I noticed he still had his car keys in his hand. "Are you sure you don't want to leave yet?" He asked, and I shook my head vehemently.

"It's too early," I insisted. "I don't want to be tied to a bed until it's really necessary," I explained. "I'll go crazy if I can't move around, and I'll feel cooped up in the hospital room. Plus, I don't want to be there any longer than necessary."

…

"You're doing so well, Bella," Edward said, pressing a cold washcloth to my forehead. "I'm so proud of you." We've been at the hospital for almost ten hours, and things seem to have slowed to a crawl even though it really hasn't; and I'm nearing ten centimeters dilated. I'm nervous and anxious, but Edward is about ten times worse than me. Plus, adding in Alice and Esme, it was getting a little overwhelming.

Luckily, Esme and Alice had retreated to the waiting room, where they would stay until the delivery. I wished I could get Edward to relax, but I knew he wouldn't until we had our baby in our arms.

The nurse popped back into the room, pulling on a pair of latex gloves. "How're we doing in here?" She asked, smiling at us. I knew the routine by now, and held Edward's hand tightly as she checked my progress. "Well, Bella, you're about ready to go," she said cheerfully. "We're going to go ahead and get you ready to head to the delivery room, okay? Dad, why don't you come over here and I'll talk to you about what's going to happen, and then you can head out with us."

I nodded, and Edward kissed me sweetly before stepping away from me for one of the first times we've been at the hospital.

Twenty minutes later, we were in the delivery room and then shortly after that, we had our baby.

…

"What do you think?" Edward asked softly, staring down at our baby in wonderment. "What's her name?"

Originally, we had wanted to pick our boy or girl names before the baby was actually born, but then quickly learned that it was difficult to name a baby that we hadn't even met yet.

I looked down at the beautiful baby in my arms, studying her intently. She was still so new- less than an hour old. Her skin was pink, and her rosebud lips were puckered slightly as she slept serenely. I marveled at the thick, reddish blonde hair that peeked out from underneath the little pink hat she wore, and I recounted all of her tiny, scrunched up fingers for what was likely the twentieth time. I had been analyzing her pretty much since the moment she had been cleaned up and placed in my arms, and I had yet to find a flaw.

"I think she's a Charlotte," I said finally, looking up at my husband. "What do you think? It's harder than I thought…naming a little person that I just now finally got to meet."

"I feel like I've known her my whole life," Edward said thickly, making me tear up a little. He leaned over and kissed her forehead, and when he looked back up at me, his eyes were glistening with tears as well.

Before I could say anything, he kissed me, cradling my head in his hands as he did so.

"She's a Charlotte," he agreed after our kiss ended.

I nodded, smiling down at her again. "Charlotte Amelia Cullen," I said, testing out how the name felt and sounded on my lips. "Do you want to hold her again, Edward?" I asked, shifting the baby in my arms. I scooted over on the hospital bed to make a little more room for him.

"Of course," he said eagerly, and we fumbled for a minute as I handed Charlotte over to him. He held her close, and it looked like she belonged in his arms. He smiled and put his other arm around me, holding me tight, as well. "Wow," he breathed, looking down at her with a whole new look on his face. "She's really ours, isn't she? I can't believe she's finally here."

"I know," I said quietly. "I've been dreaming about holding her for months, but now that she's here…it's even better than I could have even imagined. She's our baby, Edward."

"Now we just have to hope we don't screw her up," he joked.

I rolled my eyes but kissed him softly, loving that suddenly, we were parents.

My entire life had changed in a very short amount of time, but looking over at my husband, holding our newborn baby, I was thankful for every single even that had transpired to lead us to this exact moment.

It was heaven on earth.

…

 **Thank you so much!**


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